God Shows Up Even When You Think You're Not Enough

laughter: but you know, we're all different and and honestly, it's true. I'm really like the way I am, but some people think that it's fake and then they are mad at me because I've made friends with what they feel like is in a fake way. Um, and then there's resentment, I guess, with that. Um, so those have been like the social conflicts kind of like resentment or sometimes belittling like even though it's a small success, I'm proud of where we are. I like where we are and there's a lot of sometimes belittling of where I am usually um usually brought up because I'm a female or you know whatever things like that which yeah. Yeah. I was I was going to ask if you think some of that happens or people feel free to do that because you are female. Do you do you feel that at times that that's part of some of those attacks that you get is uh not so much because you're Christian but maybe more so because you're a female in the space. I think so. I lost your camera. I am going to answer that. But okay, I just want to get you back cuz I don't know if it takes your I don't know if it takes your sound too. Well, let me change my setting uh down one more on my performance for you. So, hopefully that'll help. Am I back or not? Um, no. But I'm going to refresh the cache of the stream together. Well, I know that I can still hear you. Okay. I know that Amazon, you know, has been having problems over the last couple of weeks, which they have about one third of all the servers I've been having problems. Yeah. So, this could be a related or no, you can only use Chrome for this. No, you can use uh Firefox. Um, but I am using Chrome. Oh, can you? I don't even know if I have Firefox. Initially, you couldn't and Chrome is set up best for it. Um, let me turn off my camera a minute and turn it back on and see if that helps. I have your square back. Okay, I think it's back. Okay, I turned my camera off and back on, so hopefully that took care of it. Cool. Okay, I turned off my background. And I had like Spotify going too just to make sure. Um, so yeah, we're talking about being a girl on Twitch.

laughter: Um, I think people are going to shoot those shots whether you're a girl or not. Okay. I think though, obviously, it's an easy thing to say. You know, if somebody resents a man, they're going to point they're not going to point out for gender reasons, but I think they I think it's fair to say that men are still attacked in the same way. Um, but girl is just the easy thing I think to I think to throw. Um, well, I was just wondering more so if they feel entitled to be able to attack because I don't I don't feel

snorts: like I've encountered a lot of little belittling things or or people judging where my success level is or any of those things. I don't really view my success level as any level of success. Um, yeah. I I I view I'm very happy with what I've I've been doing and accomplishing and and I want to continue to improve and and get better, but I don't feel like I hear from outside my community of people say, you know, saying things or even then friends saying, "Oh, you know, I've heard people talking about you." Which is really weird on one level because in every church that I was at, I would hear that. Um, so as a pastor, I heard that constantly. I have not run into that as a Twitch streamer. Yeah. And and you know, it might not even just be a Twitch issue. Might be like a humanity issue. Might be uh deep rooted. I mean, we are I mean, humans are an animal, a type of animal. And I do think for so so long it's been built on a system where the woman well e even so the Bible says that a man will pursue will pursue a woman. So, we're kind of built up to feel like you have to you have to earn, you know, to be wanted or to be sought after or to be respected or or whatever. Um, and I think sometimes subconsciously people fall into that mindset without even realizing it. And I think sometimes that's where the issue of a lot of problems, not just belittling successes of women, but also resentment that other women have. I think sometimes it doesn't have to do with them being like a hateful woman who hates women, right? I think a lot of times it's out of like, oh, you you receiving that love means I'm not receiving that love. And not always in like a trying to attract a male way. I just mean just in general, like you those people wanting to be your friend means that they're not wanting to be my friend, and I need them to want to be my friend. Um, yeah, I think it's like a a deep seated issue and I think it does tie to being female. Um, but yeah, like I've even been into like friend streams before and they like enlightenedly they'll talk about women and they're not even talking about me, but they'll just maybe make a comment. I I've heard it multiple times. I know there's someone in my chat who I've heard say it before and we Matthew 18 that we talked about it and we're good. But um I've it's not just that person. And I've heard it many times when I'm just lurking in a stream and it's just guys and they just think they're playing with guys and they don't realize who's in their chat and they just talk about, "Man, if I was a woman, it would be so much this would be so much easier." It's like, really? Because it comes with its own cons.

gasps: H maybe you wanted to play the game other women were playing to use those assets, but if you don't, then sometimes it's harder.

laughter: Oh, yeah. That's that's fair. Yeah. If you're yeah. Uh well and and you can go with anything and see someone else that has an advantage over you. Uh yeah, I like when uh I was younger uh I had a basketball and you know this this will this will date me if anybody knows um um Julius Erving um 76ers back in the 70s. So like I thought, "Oh man, he's cool." Well, I I want to be basketball player. So, I had a basketball. I'd throw it at the hoop. Well, I don't know. I finally get to like fifth grade or something and get to be on a basketball team. I'm the shortest kid in the class. Okay. So, I I am never going to be in the NBA. And uh I don't I don't even fantasize about dunking the basketball. I would just like to touch the net. Okay. That

laughter: that would I I have done it once or twice. I don't know that I can do it anymore. Um,

laughter: but it's like there were people with an advantage in basketball. If I would have pursued that, I would have never been great at it. I I there were there were just things that were going to get in the way. And so, it'd be really easy for me to, if that was my goal, be resentful of other people who were taller than me just because that was an advantage for them. I actually tried to hypothesize a way for me to actually be successful in the NBA was for them to set the height of the hoop based on the average height of the people on your team. So you could get a whole bunch of really short people and you could get the the height lowered instead of ten feet. Lower that ball all the way down to six feet cuz nobody on the team was going to be more than five foot seven. I mean, we're going to all be short people on the team and we're going to have a six foot tall basketball hoop and we'll be good to go and uh but they're not going to do that so that I can play basketball. It just it's not going to happen. So, there's there's ways for people to be jealous of other people's success. Yeah. Um in in lots of easy tangible ways and it doesn't um stay outside of the church. I mean, even Paul has to address this when they're saying, "I of Paul, I of Apollos, I of Cephas," and he's going, "Hey, wait, wait. Shouldn't you be saying, "I'm I'm of Jesus." And and uh you know, I I'm with the church digital and we and myself and and there's other organizations that that love to to use this language like new thing and exponential is kingdom over castle. You know, I I want to build the kingdom up and I don't care if it builds my castle up. You know, it's the kingdom of God, not my little thief that I have. Uh because the kingdom of God will be here when I'm done and when I'm I'm not here. So, how do I help build up the kingdom? I build up the kingdom by having uh wonderful people like you come on my podcast and chat about what we're doing so that the world hopefully at some point takes notice of us streamers and gamers who are Christians trying to be salt and light in the space and anybody that that is is going and saying my church doesn't understand. Well, if they come across this podcast or gets shared with them, they can share it with people in their church. So, they go, "Oh, now I I listen to thirty episodes and so now I finally begin to get a glimpse of what it might be. I don't understand, but I understand your heart." And I and I think that's that's part of what I hope to accomplish with having people on is is is talking about so that we get at the heart that we are in ministry together and we're trying to reach people for Christ and we're trying to be as faithful as we can and we're all different and we're doing things differently because that's how God's made us. Yeah. And I think that's an important part is that everybody's different. And I think that roots some of that issues of resentment too is with this coveting of or gifts that God has given to people differently. And and my stream is very feminine, right? So it's very obvious that I'm a girl and if a boy ran this stream, it would be a very different vibe, right? Um so male streamers who say, "Oh, it's easy for Pri because she's a girl." Well, it's easy for Pri to do well in the atmosphere that Pri has created because she's created around her and her talents and stuff. And so people need to find what gifts they have. Everybody has it. And if it's not even a gift, like something you're interested in like unicorns or whatever because it's not like, oh yeah, just okay. So everybody who goes to um Flat Cap streams, it's not like they're obsessed with hats or fish. They like him. It would be nice if they were. We'd have more to talk about. I say this is a pony club and there's no bronies allowed, but I'll tell you, most of the people here are usually male. Oh, I'm getting I'm getting ready to continue. Hold on. You're getting raided. Awesome. Stay tuned, everybody. Sorry, my thing's inside out. It's going to take a second. It's awkward for you because you don't have music, but

laughter: I could I could put some music on. It won't be the right music, though.

laughter: It's okay. It's just like an EDM Pikachu. Here, I'll I'll see. I'll do I'll do a surprise alert here.

laughter: Hey, Cardinal. Welcome in friend. Thanks for being here. I hope your stream was good. I was there for the beginning of it. I'm interested in playing wild card myself sometime. It looks so fun. Um, we were just talking about being yourself and leaning into your own uniqueness and talents and skills that God has given you. Um, so yeah, uh, what was I saying? Yeah, that everybody like so everybody doesn't go to your stream because they're obsessed with hats and fish and everyone doesn't go to my stream because they're obsessed with ponies and being girly cuz really my stream people are in my stream are typically opposite. But people love authenticity and just being who you are and it's just fun to meet you and like learn about you and get to know each other. But so like it could be like football and like do like a do things but football and make a bracket when it's I don't know I don't know footballing but like when it's bracket time do that. Yeah. I I don't spend any time watching the NFL. I mean I used to but I I don't anymore. Uh, I will watch some college football, but like I'm at the point where I want my sports in the ten-minute highlight reel. That is all I want. I don't have three hours to watch anything. And like, no, I ain't got time for that. Like, just just show me who won. And in fact, I'm actually like if if if you annihilate the other team and like and you're my team and you beat them fifty to nothing, then after I know that, I'll sit down and watch all three hours of it cuz it's going to be awesome. But but if I don't know, I'd rather just watch the ten-minute highlight reel and go, "Oh, that was disappointing." Or, "Oh, well, they squeaked it out." And and be done with it, you know, not sit there for three hours and and and do that. But there's there is something that is just I think freeing when you are being yourself and you're doing things that are your own and you can adopt them from other people and what and what they're doing. Uh you know like I wanted to put hats on stream to begin with because I knew people were going to ask when and part of my name is cuz I'm not trying to take myself seriously. Uh I but I but I didn't want to bait and switch anybody and have them come in and later find out I'm a pastor and and that was my decision. And somebody else might might not have the same experience. But I I have that often in life where I'll have conversations with people and then they go, "What do you do for a living?" And then as soon as they find out I'm a pastor, they start apologizing for their language and other stuff. It's like if

laughter: I had a problem, I know how to speak up and tell you it offended me. Okay? I wasn't offended. I was meeting you where you are and I was good with it. So, um, but it was like, all right, here's what I have. And I had fish and so it was like, well, let me just throw those on cuz I don't know what else to do. Um, and and then the fish became a I'm I'm not going to be streaming for a while. I'll just show you my fish for the weekend. And you can watch my fish live. And and people thought that was cool. All right. My fish need their own channel then. and uh and and that became a a thing too. So it's like yeah yeah they just kind of or like organic organically happen and you get influenced it's just going to happen naturally but so like homeschool mom every time she got raided and because I was in her stream every every weekday um when she got raided she did this chicken dance. Oh yeah, I remember that. Well, I don't want to copy her, but I feel like when I get raided, I need to do something like I need to I need to do something to show them that I'm glad they're here. And I already had a unicorn onesie that I owned before stream cuz I'm a camp director. Um, and we already had that as a channel redemption and I was like, well, I'll just put on my unicorn onesie. And then I I already owned these other onesies cuz I just love onesies. So, I was like, well, I'll just do different raid songs and they'll just randomly rotate. Whatever song plays, that'll be what I put on. And like so it just like things just grow and develop and um you take little ideas and and you make them your own and I think we get so hyperfocused on like wow that person does that so well I could never do that that well. Well that's true because you are not them but they cannot do what what you could do the way that you would do it if you would lean into who you are and and do that thing. Oh, absolutely. And and h getting an idea and inspiration from someone is fantastic, but I think owning it in your own way is even better. Um, you know, they talk about, you know, um, copying is the sincerest form of flattery. Okay, that's fine. But I'm not copying to copy you. I'm copying because I was inspired by you and and I want to do something that takes from what you did and make it into my own. So, I've seen other people that have displays of whatever they have behind them. They've got a whole bunch of pop Funko Pops or they've got a bunch of tennis shoes or they have something else and and or they just had boxes that were back there for the like you've got behind you and it lights up. So, I got the idea of lighting it up from that. Well, I ended up using glass because otherwise it didn't show up well enough to show my hats. So, like yeah, some of it was starting with what other people were doing and others was, well, this is what I want to do. How do I interweave all of those things? And and that just kind of I think leads into to the next question I want to ask is what have been some really um impactful God blessed moments that you've had on stream either for yourself as a streamer or for someone in your community something that was just a blessing to be able to be a part of. Yeah. So, um I talked a little bit before um it kind of like my initial intention was also a blessing of like having this own space. And that's not the most important piece. That was something I wasn't um planning on that I received that I'm thankful for, like a space to be uh Kate and not my child's mom or you know, Mrs. whatever my last name is now that I'm married. Um but the um the I think the biggest blessings have been to be a part of somebody else's faith journey. Um and again like when I started streaming I didn't know that was going to happen. I always just pictured everybody every time I'd stream a couple new people would come in and I'd probably never see them again because that's kind of your first experiences when you're streaming. Um, and you just kind of accept like, well, this might be reality forever and I'll just like maybe make someone smile while they're just here and then they'll leave. Just like when I was at McDonald's, like that's whatever. I can do that. Um, but then you make these actual relationships and um doing online Bible studies, which um I was already thinking about doing and then I but I did for the first time with Alpha in the Discord. Not it wasn't just like this is on stream, but just offstream in the Discord. those conversations. Um, and we we really did have people there who are weren't Christian and they have come in since to stream to tell us that they've given their life to Christ. One was um eighteen and came in just when I came back to stream after summer camp this year. So, a few, you know, months later, came into stream and said, "I want I just felt like I had to tell you guys that I decided to be a Christian. Their family's not Christian." and I found a church and another person came into stream that's their IRL friends that started coming to our streams for a little bit and they're like yes we're both going to be Christian now we both go to the same church we're both in the same youth group and you know this person's going to buy a Bible tomorrow we're going to I'm going to have my first Bible and it's like moments like that that it's like yes that is everything that is the purpose that is just because so many times you do ministry and you don't see the fruit which is okay. Um, but like sometimes you do and that just motivates you to keep doing what you're doing when you get to see those when you get to see those moments. Um, yeah, absolutely. That's the biggest blessings for me. Oh, yeah. Well, that's that's really cool of those moments where you get to share with them. They get to engage with the gospel and then the gospel is not only planted but you get to see it grow and and for them to to make acknowledgement of what God is doing in their life and say, "Yeah, I'm I am now going to choose to live a different type of life than I had been doing before." That's really cool. Yeah. And I think like a way that something that helps me when you are having those seasons where you aren't witnessing the fruit is remembering that even if somebody walks away and doesn't realize like doesn't hasn't walks away from your stream and like didn't accept God or whatever you didn't change you didn't change their mind or anything. um you can know that they still left the stream experiencing God even if they didn't know it like the love they felt from the chat or something that was said or the peace that was there you know as long as we're prayerful invite Holy Spirit in like whatever they positive thing they left with if they left with something positive then they have experience God and I think that is something that um helps me when I'm in a season of not like not getting that feedback of seeing you know those fruits but Oh yeah, that that's an interesting kind of thing that happens too that I've had several people on the podcast talking about is those seasons where it feels like I'm doing things but I'm not seeing any fruit. Um, and I was actually just listened to a podcast today that was talking about that whole concept of go Jesus doesn't tell us that we're to go produce fruit. He tells us to abide in him. and in abiding in him is he will produce the fruit. And I think we lose track of that sometimes because we're looking to see the fruit instead of looking to see the one we should be abiding in. And if we're abiding in him, fruit will happen. But also, if you pay attention, fruit happens in a season. Fruit fruit does not happen constantly for everyone in every time of life. It it has you have different seasons of where wow you're being really productive and lots of things are happening. He also when he sends the disciples out say that some plant some watered and some see the harvest. So I I like to try to hold that in in in mind too that maybe I'm doing a lot of watering right now and I've got to keep watering because that's all I get to do is be the watering person for a while. I love what you're saying right now. That's something I'm really passionate about, especially with and it kind of blends it ties to streaming, but it it's rooted in my IRL ministry. Um, and one of the when I first started doing ministry, one of the things I really really struggled with, but I started young. Um, and I was put into leadership pretty young as well. And something that I really struggled with is when a kid aged out of my programs, and we might feel this way with streaming or whatever ministry we're working on. Um when somebody leaves your program and they still haven't accepted Christ, you feel like you failed, but actually it's not on you. And that was so important for me to learn like it's on God and he's got it. And um so I was wrestling with the Holy Spirit about that. And I went to a diocese convention. There's like 400 people that go one year. And I had a kid in particular that always weighed heavy on my heart. He came to every single one of our programs year round, the youth groups, the retreats, the summer camp. He was active on like back then the campers had a Facebook cuz kids were actually on Facebook and but he was always like like staunch atheist like hated God. But he came to all the programs and he was outspoken about it and he would tell all of them like I love you guys but you're being dumb about God. Like you he was like that and he also um you know he he wasn't very healthy. He didn't have a lot of joy. You know he sometimes we had to drive him around the golf cart cuz he easily got injured and it was hard for him to walk and support himself. And so like yeah he just like very like you just when you were you love him but when you were with him you kind of felt a little down you know he just had that aura about him. And I went to this convention and this man walks up to me and he shakes my hand and he's like wearing like very dressed up outfit and I'm like shake his hand. I was like, "Hi." He's like, "So good to see you." I was like, "Yeah, it's nice to see you." And he's like, "You don't know who I am. All right. Do you?" And he had a nickname at camp. He and he goes, "I'm Beans." I was like, "No way." And I hugged him. Beans like cleaned up. He was serving on the vestry which is um a leadership term for our church. So he one of our churches he was serving on the vestry had given his life to Christ and he like wanted to tell me and he was so happy and you could just tell like there was this lightness and we don't always get to see that but I wrestled for so long I think God knew I needed to see that and just it made me think what other beings are out there like what other people have been involved in ministry that and God has used um you didn't need me but allowed me to be involved with and he used those programs to serve people. Yes. And I think I wish so badly that people on Twitch um had people pastoring them in this or teaching this like other like pastors, priests, like all those leadership roles, vestry members, whatever they all have trainings, right? So I oversee the safe church of my diocese and there's 10 different trainings we do. Um, any leader in the church needs to have these trainings. And people who are out there and just start a ministry don't have that support. They don't learn these lessons. They struggle and they carry these burdens, not realizing that these burdens aren't their own. It doesn't rely on them. It's all on God. Um, and it's just it's sad. It's really hard to watch. And and and I and I will say on on some level, even even being in the church for a long time and being a pastor for for decades, I can tell people the same thing over and over and over again. Yeah. And they can still have a mindset that's totally contrary to everything that I'm telling them and and and teaching them or even training them. Uh it can it can totally go in one ear and out the other or they can and that's what happened with me too. But I think the training in a way plants a seed so that when you have the experience it's like oh that's what you meant. Yeah. What what I was going to get is it get to though is the I I'm not downplaying what your your thought is on training because I do think that there are a lot of people that have no one speaking into them. So we do need to be speaking into them. But I also think that what's vital and key is places where they're in relationships with other Christian streamers. Yeah. Where they are they have community of Christian streamers together, not just a solo Christian streamer and trying to just be me as a solo streamer being successful. U and and and I'm not against anybody that is able to I mean if any Christian streamer is able to hey I'm full-time and I'm a partner and my my income is off of this that's great. I want to celebrate that. I'm not saying anything against that. I'm saying is I don't associate with other other people because it doesn't build my stream up. I don't connect with other people because I've got to go do this my own. Um that kind of a thing because then you don't have iron sharpening iron. You don't have people speaking into each other's life. And and then when there's struggles, how do you you know I I'm trying to remember uh the one passage where two can keep each other warm. Um if you're if you're by yourself, how can you keep yourself warm? You know that kind of a thing of of when it's difficult how how can you do that? So that just kind of will lead me and you were talking about Alpha. Alpha did you do that before the Reach plan or or was that you started with Reach? I actually have a really magical story about this. Okay. Okay. So I've done a lot of Alpha before Reach. Just I have as well in real life. Yes. Yes. Just in real life because it's a great ministry tool. Um, and it's wonderful. And the spring before they reached out about Alpha, so not that time, the the year before, I ran an Alpha for a church. And it was for a group of kids who had been away from church for a couple years. They had church hurt. It was a group of families. So, they had moved to a new church. And this was like the reintroductory. These kids are going to do church or not, like decide to be Christians or not. And I was like, "Wow, that's a lot of pressure." But it's all on you, God, not on me. Um, and we did the program and they um, and I will say since they've been uh, confirmed in the church, they still attend the church. The next year they hosted the program for their friends. They had their friends come and they hosted the program. So, it was a success story. Anyways, so that was the spring before and then I started getting this thought and the Reach and the way that that that happened was very godlike as well because my husband and I were talking about I feel like we should do a youth group. What should we do? What should we do? Cuz we do um a bunch of stuff and once in a while we just like a popup like we're going to go to this church and run this youth group for a few weeks and we couldn't think of what to do. And the very same day we were talking about it, somebody called and said, "Do you know any youth people in the area, maybe one of your past counselors that could lead this program?" We're like, "Actually, can we lead it?" Because we've been looking for something. So God, that's how this is important context cuz that's how God works for me. It's very like God incidents. Someone could call it a coincidence, but like oh my gosh, there's too many factors in this. I I call those divine appointments, you know? Yeah. Okay. So same same divine appointments, God incidents. Yes. So, um, anyways, I'm getting So, then we're flipped the calendar. We're now in a new spring. And I was like, I feel like doing Alpha again. I'm getting like the Alpha itch. I want to And I don't usually run the same program like same time of year, like back to back. I was like, I just want to do it again. I don't know why. And then I had this thought and at the time I was only doing my streams. I wasn't doing anything faith formation off stream. And I thought, could I do Alpha on my stream? Would that be allowed? What is the copyright? Because usually when you sign up to an Alpha, you sign up as your church, right? And you get permission that way. Yes. And so I shot out an email and then I was open I was opening my mind too. I was like maybe I wouldn't do it on stream because maybe I think a good thing about Alpha is the conversations and I think people would be more transparent if it wasn't live. Like if people signed up and came to like maybe my Discord. I don't know. Is this crazy? So I emailed Alpha. I emailed Alpha. Okay. I go home and I stream Webby Pumpkin. I know you know him. He's another Christian streamer, another part of Reach. He also I know he was transparent. I watched the podcast with him in it. He's been transparent that he was having like a dark night of the soul, whatever you want to call it. He was having a moment him and God. And Faze, who was a big part of putting together Reach with Romans. He went into Mama Brick Build's son, went into um Webby Pumpkins chat cuz I was like all God to Webby cuz I knew that that would help him. I was like, "You got you got to get your faith back, dude." Anyway, so he goes into Webby Pumpkins chat and he's like, "Hey, do you want to run this online Christian program?" And Webby's like I watched his VOD, too. He's like, "Hey, you should go talk to Pri. I think she's streaming." And so he came into mine and he's like, "Hey, there's this Christian program. We're we're trying to get all the Christians together on Twitch to do this program. Would you at all be interested?" I was like, "Oh, yeah. What are you talking like? What do you want to do?" Um, and he's like, "Well, it's this program called Alpha and it get it's it's a well-known program and it's used for evangelism." And I was like, "Say less." Like I I was like, "Bro, I took pictures and I sent them to Romans later because I had to prove. I emailed I hadn't heard anything about this. I emailed Alpha that day and trying to discern what should I do? Am I allowed? And um yeah, and then they came into my chat that same day, that same night. I didn't realize the same day. That's cool. Same day. That is super cool. So yeah, they hadn't even gotten back to me yet. Well, what's what's interesting I don't I don't know timing wise along along where that was at, but I was actually trying to figure out in in my own what I could do in addition to what I was already doing. And there were people saying they like I had people coming in my stream that weren't Christian. It's like, well, I'm doing I'm reading the Bible. We're talking about that. This really is not what you need to do if you're trying. I mean, on some level, yeah, you can start anywhere and and God can use that. And all of that was like, well, you really, this isn't what I would do if you're brand new in the faith. I would go run Alpha. And I had I I got Alpha training in 2006. So, that's how long ago I started doing Alpha was 2006. So, uh uh and then I also have done the marriage course. I don't know if you're familiar with their marriage course as well, which is I haven't done their marriage course. The thing I will say about their marriage course, which is why I really like it, is you're sitting there with your spouse or the marriage prep course, either one. You're sitting there with the the significant other and the conversations are with the significant other. They are not with the room and they are not to please the person who's there and they're also not a a weekend where you feel really good and then you go back to life and you can't put Anything into practice. There is, you know, just like Alpha, there is a meal and a conversation or a video or a presentation if you're doing it live, not a video, and then a conversation. So a meal and a video and a conversation. It's the same approach, although you get it split up a little bit with conversations along the way while you're doing it. You just have a five-minute conversation with your spouse or your significant other, then a fifteen-minute one and a ten-minute one later, and you do the meal, and then during it we bring out dessert to kind of, you know, make it a date night kind of a thing, which is super fun and cool. Um, so I'd done all of that and I was looking at it. I go, "I wonder if I could do Alpha with people." But my thought was I have not. So you were thinking about it too? Oh yeah, I was already planning on doing Alpha. Wow. That's—honestly, I'm going to sound super Christian. It was a Holy Spirit thing. So I was already planning on how do I do Alpha? What's the best way to do it? I was going, "Well, I think I need to stream this because I've never done any activities in my Discord. I have a Discord, but my Discord is not active. There is not active chat. Like, if I hold a Discord event, nobody's showing up." So it was kind of like I was thinking, I need to do this on stream. So then I knew Romans and Roman calls me up and he says, "Hey, we're trying to do this thing." And he says, "Alpha." I'm like, "Tell me less." Like, I'm already—I'm already like, I know what it is. I've let it for years. It's fantastic. Like, I'm in. Like, what do I do? And then I'm like, can I actually stream it instead of do a Discord event because I— So I, and I don't I don't think mine was successful in any sense of the imagination, but we had some really good conversations because what we would do is I would put the video up and play it, and I was engaging the chat by chatting, not talking. So we are chatting along the way about everything going on, talking about things going in there. And then when we got done streaming, we'd try to go over to Discord and continue the conversation. And I would get a fraction of the people jump over to Discord, which I expected, but it was like, "Okay, now we can talk deeper if you want to. We're off camera for anybody that, you know, doesn't want to share what's going on." And so like, I was all in as soon as—and he's like, "Oh, we're only going to do eight weeks." Eight weeks? It's fifteen weeks. Why are we only doing half of it? Like— You know, but it made some sense. And so yeah, when Roman said that and let's go ahead and do this, I was an early adopter. I'm on board. Let's do this. We're going to launch after Easter. Oh, sorry. Um— That's okay. I have a timer on my lights here. Let me turn them back on. Oh, that's smart. All right. Yeah, that's—so that's so cool that you had such a similar story because yeah, I was like already planning. I was like, I'm already going to do one. Cool. Oh wow, there's incentives. There's a whole group doing it. I know. He's like, "You go do this and we'll do this for you." I'm like, yeah, sign me up for this. Um, and and uh, I'd already, you know, known Romans for a little while. I'd act like— I didn't know him. You didn't know him at all? Okay. No, I hardly knew anybody. I went to Reach like not knowing anyone basically. No one from my community went. I knew like a handful. Like I knew Webbby. I knew like— Well, I was—it I more knew of some people, but like I'm a day streamer, so I more knew of the night streamers, but I didn't watch any of the night. So I knew I knew of you, but I never spent time—maybe more than once or twice in your channel would have been it. Um, but it wasn't about that. It was we're going to try to prove that Christians in an online space that is dark can reach people, whether that's in Discord, whether that's in Twitch, whether that's TikTok, whatever it was, because it wasn't just limited to Twitch streamers only. And then we're going to get together and celebrate what God did. And I'm like, this is awesome. Let's go for it. And um— So that was super cool. So how did your stream work out or your Discord community for doing Alpha? I know you talked about some people that came back and shared some results, but just how was the experience overall? It was crazy. It blew me away. I did not expect it. I thought like my diehards that come to every stream, like my really close friends, like maybe I could get—I knew I could get enough leaders because of my IRL. Oh gosh, sorry. I'm getting out of raid. Hold on. And this— Hello, Mefors. Hi, Armani. How are you? How was your stream? What were you playing? Welcome in, Raiders. Welcome in. See, this is why everybody watching this on the VODs or listening to it later, you need to be here live. You're missing out all the shenanigans that happen to welcome people and say hello. And— I'm excited that I'm excited you got the unicorn. Hi. How—oh, you're playing Star Wars. So cool. Tell us about it in the chat. So hi, everybody. My name is Pri. I'm a family-friendly Jesus Camp girl. This is a podcast night. It's a little different than usual, but welcome in to the pony club. But the Alpha Discord, I know it's going to be crazy when you sniff all that stuff out, and I'm just like in a different outfit. Oh, it's—no, I'm just leaving it. I'm not—I'm just going to let it roll. I'm just going to leave it. Yeah, just going to let it roll. Change. Um, yeah, so the Discord blew me out of the water. I wasn't expecting it at all. Um, because I can't remember how many followers I had last year. Like maybe I had a thousand, but still had that same like average viewership that I have now, right? Um, and I had close to a hundred people sign up. I still have those channels. I could look at it. Um, but because they're online people, I think I had like fifty to sixty show up on the day, which is still— Oh, wow. That's fantastic. Still a crazy lot. And at the end, the fact that it wasn't on a stream, they had to like go to another app. They had to go to Discord on the day that it's scheduled at the time and go there and go to it. It was crazy. And I had grouped people. I had five different discussion groups. We did a watch party together. So we would talk in the chat. And then I did different breakout discussion rooms. And I had just like regular Alpha, I had leaders assigned. So the groups were only up to ten—up to ten people in a group. And they were named like—I had Phoenix, I had Pegasus, I had like—they're all named after mythical creatures, a dragon. Um, so yeah, they would go to their discussion groups, and I also grouped them by kind of where they are in their faith journey. So it's kind of like a safe space. Um, I had one of my youth workers and two youth workers lead a younger kids discussion group. So some of my even my IRL kids went to it, slash people who I know who are not eighteen. Um, I had them tell me privately that come to my Twitch stream because you have to be fourteen, and I do allow people who are under eighteen to be there. So they—I had like a youth one. So like they had their own group with two, you know, safe church youth leaders. And then I had the older groups. I had people from, you know, just kind of Christian curious to like people who are like—I had a priest come, like, you know what I mean? Like I had like the people who were like in it. Um, but yeah, so it was really good. So the way I articulated it, I was like, "It's for anybody who's uh, you wants to learn about Christianity or wants to share their Christianity in a group and you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to." Um, and then I asked—just I privately DM'd every single person and figured out kind of where they felt comfortable like being in the group. Cool. Um, and I also asked like, "Are there any friends that signed up that you want to be with?" And I think like things like that kind of helped. Um— Oh yeah. I didn't realize that that level of invite and placing people in groups that you had done. That's really cool. I didn't pick up on that in any of the conversations as we were doing it. Um, that sounds like a fantastic way to plan for it and to implement it. I like that. That's really cool. I personally DM'd like everybody. When people followed me, I would DM them after stream and I would say like, "I'm going to do this program and you can bring a friend and you can tell me and I'll make sure you guys are in the same group. And you don't have to use your mic or your camera. You can make a different handle." Like, really tried to like make it really easy to say yes. And you can be late, you can leave early, you can miss a few. I'll tell you what, there are people that will not understand this if you're not in Twitch space. I love people that come late and just show up and then they hang out for a while, or the people that are like get raided in and are like, "Well, I'm just about to leave, but I wanted to come and say hello before I left." I mean, like the those different connecting pieces are really cool, and I have tried to figure out as I can where and how to have that same kind of excitement when it happens in other places instead of like, "Oh, you see Bob showed up late again. Bob's always late." I'm— Yeah, it's great that Bob came. Bob came. Okay, Bob is here. Bob could have because he was late decided, "I ain't showing up. Ain't worth my time." Bob still came. Oh, so and so had to leave early again. They're always leaving early. Yeah, they have a job and they could just as easily call it in and say, "It's not worth coming because I can't stay." It's like we need to change our mentality when we're—when like anxious people, and honestly online people—not all of them, but we—they tend to be more a little—like there was a reason why some people are seeking community where they can't be seen or heard, like and they just share in a chat, you know? Or or they need to feel safe. And lurkers need safety for a long time before they unlurk themselves. And unfortunately in the church, we call out lurkers the moment they show up and highlight them, and then like wonder why they didn't come back, especially if they're an introvert or they have social anxiety or they have any other limitations that don't make them feel comfortable. It's we're not building relationship by saying, "If you're a visitor, please stand up." No, no. Yeah. No, no, no. Train your people better. Timer here. Yeah. Train of course when it's like one person like, "Oh, great. Why even ask?" Or if you've been at the sly church that thinks they're sly is all visitor or all U members, please stand up so they can look around and look down on the person that's a visitor and make them feel really awkward. It's like you're making it worse. You're just—you're making it worse. Yeah. I— Oh, yeah. Cardinal Redbeard. Sometimes you just feel like sitting in the back. Absolutely. That is me. I want to sit in the back. I sat in the back row in class. I do not like sitting in front. Well, so this is funny. My wife is a front row person in class because you have to be up front and take notes and all that. And I have to be in the back row because anybody sitting behind me is a distraction. I will constantly turn around and look behind me when I hear something, when something's going on, because it's a distraction. Everything in front of me I can— That's true. At Reach you always sat at the back, right? Cuz everything, if I have to see everything in front of me, if something's behind me, I'm distracted. So it's not because I'm trying to stay away. It's cuz I'm trying to pay attention because otherwise I'm just going to be turning around and looking at what's going on. So this is also really weird. I could never study in the library because everybody that coughed, who's coughing? What's going on? Who's dropping a book over there? I studied in the cafeteria cuz I could just shut it out. There's just stuff everywhere. There's nothing to look at here. Yeah. So yeah, I'm not like people. I'm different. I love that. Yeah, yeah, we both—I mean, I'm also neither of those. I sit at every table. Oh, well that's different. Me in a room, I'm like— Well, you did notice, too. I moved from one side to the other. I just stayed in the perimeter, but I did move, keep moving. Yeah, there's like, there's somebody I haven't sat next to. I've got to move. I don't stay in the same spot. That's very difficult at times. Like, why would I sit next to the same people I already know when there's somebody I haven't met? So, Alpha, so we did it as part of Reach and then we got together with Reach. What were some of the highlights for you for going to Reach? What were some like, what were your expectations going in if you can remember those? And then what was like the experience for you of being there with everybody? I didn't know what to expect. Um, I felt like I had big impostor syndrome because I had delivered pretty big numbers for the group doing the Discord and I said the whole time like, "I'm not real. It's not—I'm not—I don't know why this is happening." He's like, "You got to," and I had an—and he had me talk to people too about like sharing how I marketed for the event. But I'm also—so I'm the youth ministry director for the diocese, but I'm also, um, for our conference center of the diocese where our camp is at, I'm also the director of advancement. So marketing is my thing and communication is my thing. So maybe that helped. I don't know. But um, I felt big impostor syndrome because also leading up to the event, and I was very blessed. I didn't know how I was going to get there. I get a youth ministry salary. Like, I don't do it for money. We have everything we need. I don't need money. That's what I'm saying. But um, I—it's not like I've never been to Florida before. I went to Reach. You know what I mean? From—I'm from upstate New York and I have never been—I had never been there before. Um, but because I had gotten—I think you needed to get 50 people signed up to go and they like paid for everything. Rental car, hotel, flight, all of it. And so that is the reason I could go. Yeah. So um, there was that, and then also Romans asked invited me to introduce Cameron Arnett, who's like an actual known person who was in a movie, The Forge, at the time. I was like, "What?" And so I knew I was going for that and I was so nervous. And then I had prepared what I was going to say. And then Romans had told me, "Hey, before you introduce Cameron, I just want you to know you can totally, um, you know, market your stream a little bit." And I was like, "That feels weird." Like, and I'm not saying that's funny if anybody else did that. I just—that didn't sit with me. That I just thought that was weird. Like, I don't want to like say like, "Hey guys, join the pony club. All right, here's Cameron Arnett." You know what I mean? It just didn't feel right. You mean you didn't want to show up in a onesie to introduce him? Yeah, yeah, no. So, and I was like, cuz no one's going to know me. No one's going to know me. And I felt bad. I felt like Romans invited me to do these things and paid for me to come and everything cuz he thought I was this somebody that I'm not. That's what it felt like. And so then I was like, "I'm just going to introduce Cameron. I'm going to talk about the movie. I'm going to introduce Cameron and that's it. I'm not going to do the thing he offered. I'm just do that." And then God told me when I was in the hotel the night before, he's like, "You're going to share your testimony." Like, what? These people don't know me. Also, Romans didn't invite me to do that. Like, he didn't invite me to do that. So I asked Romans, I messaged him, "How much time do I have before I speak?" and he told me the amount of time I had and I was like, "Okay, I have to fit my testimony in the amount of time and I'm gonna share it, I guess." So, but what I did is instead of sharing it about me, I shared what I thought was relevant to everybody in the room. So I shared my why of streaming, um, because I felt like people would see themselves in that and maybe it would—and then in that I spoke a little bit about some experiences that I've had in life and um, how they tie also into like my why for streaming. Uh, and I found out after it impacted a few people. So that was really cool. But I went to Reach not knowing anything, just knowing like I was on this God train—like, this is it, this has all been—like, I was like, "I can't go to Reach," and then I found out that I—it was free. So I was like, "You know what I mean? It was just like God was doing all this stuff." So I was just saying yes. I didn't know. Yeah, well, that's fascinating. I didn't know that you'd never been to Florida before. Oh no. Um, and I'm thinking I don't even know how many times I've been to Florida. I can't even count. But I would say the majority of them—or I maybe I shouldn't say the majority anymore. Half of them were driving at least. So, you know, 20, 24-hour drive, you know, depending upon where we were going, uh, easily drive that far and go. So, or depended on where we were living when we went. So, uh, but yeah, I can say I think I qualified for the free ticket and I and the free hotel, but that was it. That was the level of which I attained. And I had airline miles to be able to cash in to fly. So I was like, "All right, I got that. Let's go." And and then actually afterwards, I went on a cruise with my wife. She flew down and we went on a cruise. So it was kind of like, "I'm already down here. Let's go on vacation afterwards," which was cool. Yeah, which was fun. So—oh, they did—they lost me again? Am I back? Yeah, they got—they should have you back now. Okay. Uh, but I tell you what, I had some of the impostor syndrome, too, because I'm like, "I'm not doing what other people in the space are doing. I'm not gaming in this space. I'm not doing this to be um a full-time Twitch streamer. That's not what I'm doing in the space." So it's like, "What do I give? What am I contributing?" But I had early on tried to find everybody that was going that I could and follow them and try to spend time getting to know whenever I could, could watch people. And there were a lot of people like, "Oh, I already know them. I'm so excited to go meet them. I know this person," and I get to meet them. Not all of them ended up being there. Not everyone was able to make it that was part of it. But I was most excited about meeting people than anything else that was going on with the speakers that were there or the gameplay that was going on. For me, it's um, my extrovert just gets to have a field trip and get to come out of my shell and then have people go, "Wait a minute, you're still this way in person like you are on stream?" and you know, get up in the morning with people going down for breakfast at the hotel or whatever and you're like, "Dude, you're wearing a hat." Well, yeah, of course I am. I mean, why wouldn't I? Like, this is me. What—like, why would I be without a hat if I can wear one? Um, and so it's like, "Oh," and then this is where my wife and I are vastly different. Um, if there's a conversation that's still going on at one o'clock in the morning, I'm usually still at that conversation because it's ongoing. And so I was a little disappointed we didn't just have like a camp where everybody was at and we're just in the dorms. It's like, "Oh, there's people across the parking lot at a different hotel. Are they awake? Should I go see? Maybe they're out in the lobby over there," and uh, I'm missing a conversation over here. And then there were so many things going on in so many buildings. It was like, if you stayed put, you were going to miss somebody in another building and another conversation over there. That's what it's going to be like this year. So many, so many things happening at once. Yeah. But speaking of, I'm trying to get—did you know I'm trying to get a Reach camp? Uh, no. I was trying to—you said we're not at a camp. Um, Romans messaged me throughout the year and said, "Pri, how many people can you host at your camp?" Because I have a camp and conference center. And I said, "Well, I have actually an event which I just had in October and we're going to have 400 people, which is the most we've ever had. So let me see how that goes and see what I actually can offer you." And we're going to meet after this Reach about it, about maybe making a regional event. I want to do Reach camp where gamers touch grass. Ooh. So we'll have like a land—my IT guys sew into it and we'll have like the land center, all of like the tech stuff, but also um, my—we could run um, high ropes. I have a thousand-foot zipline, archery, axe throwing, we could uh, canoeing. We have our own lake. We can do all that stuff, too. You're certified in high ropes. Um, yes. Well, my husband is, but I am trained to work the ropes, but he is technically the certified person. I'm certified in archery. Um, yeah. Yeah, I did have mine. Uh, I'm not certified anymore. I think it's expired or whatever, but uh, I taught um, alternative ed and we took our students to high ropes courses. So it was fun to do that. So yeah, I went through the training of that. So I was able to run high ropes courses with kids. And it's amazing how—for those people that don't know, this is why I want to just kind of touch on it because you brought it up. When you get people in a physical limitation and then you bring up an emotional thing or another struggle in their life. And so just imagine you're climbing a wall and they're trying to get to the top of the wall and they get stuck and you say, "What is the thing that's keeping you stuck?" And you name it, identify it, and then you encourage them, help them, and they physically move up the wall. How that is a psychological unlocking of stuff in their life that they're able to overcome. It is amazing how confidence booster doing it after, cuz when they get down, it's very—I find it important to tell them, you look at them in the eye and you say, "Look, you can do hard things." Yeah. And they'll remember that they can do hard things and they did it. Yeah. So there's also a lot of team building that goes around it as well. There's all kinds of things like that. Some you can't accomplish without a team, uh, or in order to do things. A giant ladder where the rungs get farther apart as you get higher and two people go up at a time. I don't think I've done that one. Yeah, you have to eventually help the person. Like, my husband and I did it, but really in the end he was just pushing me up on that rung and then climbing up and then pulling me up on the other. But it was fine. We got there. Ah, and I remember like the ones that were hard, um, were like doing the ten-foot wall that you have to climb over and then we used to do that. We don't do that anymore. Yeah. Having really specific limitations and guidelines on what you can do, can't do because you have to keep people safe. And then you can touch, right? And then having some people with physical disabilities or weight issues and you have to problem solve together as a team, um, in a polite way. Well, well, and also in an open way to face the reality of stuff, which helps them face stuff that maybe they haven't faced before, which is really, really a cool thing. So yeah, I would love to have it be at a camp on some level, like hanging out in the dorms, hanging out all night. Yeah, that's the thing. It's a we could all stay up. We could all like the plate when you rent it, it's like yours and I and it's where I work. So like we just hang out in the, or his church can just build dorms, you know? That's the other option. His church can build dorms. Yeah. Just drop pods off. We'll all hang out. Yeah. Um, are you speaking at all this year? I am. I'm again, impostor syndrome. I'm like, cuz I and then I feel bad cuz I felt like I took the mic and did a speech when I wasn't planned to do a speech. I was planning to intro Cameron and I'm allowed to say like foul pre pony on Twitch. Um, and I didn't, and I shared a piece of my testimony and because of that and because it was received well, I think maybe that's why I was invited to talk. But yeah, so different creators are talking about different, um, you know, different like there's different, yeah, different different things stats to level up. So thinking games you have different stats to level up. So as a Christian streamer there's different stats you can level up in in your skill sets. Yeah, yeah. So I'm doing MP P. Um, which in gamer talk is magical power, but for, um, it's not magical pony. No, I'm going to use that. Hey, um, but we're talking about spiritual health. Um, but I'm trying to tie it in to be more inclusive of people who maybe aren't there yet as well. So talking tying in spiritual health with mental health, um, and why that's important not just in being a streamer but also just as a healthy human. Um, so yeah, that's what my talk's about and I'm getting to do it with Basilisk IRL like the big Rocket League creator. Cool. So yeah, would be cool. Yeah, definitely. There's like a line that I wrote. I don't know who's going to say which slide yet, but there's one that's like, you know, and we all know about leveling up in a game. Hopefully. Well, some of us more than others. Well, Basilisk knows, but I have fun. Well, yeah. And there is a level of trying to level up in your skills and where you're at. And you know, to go back to what I was saying with basketball earlier, um, you know, Shaq, everybody got on him for not being able to shoot free throws and so they like you need to practice so you need to do better. No, what Shaq needed to do is spend time making sure when he was fouled he still got the dunk. That's what Shaq needed to work on. And he got sidetracked for a while focusing on what other people were telling him to do instead of leaning into his giftedness and making sure he was good at being able to be so good that nobody could stop him from what he was good at. And I think that's one of the things that all of these different areas we're focusing on are good, but like if I'm never going to be the expert in the room, I just want to get better at that thing, I'm not going to be the expert. But where I can be the expert, I need to lean into that and really hone and refine and get better at those things that I can contribute in a way that other people won't be able to. Yeah. And I think it's so funny because I feel like we've gone round circle. In the beginning, we were talking about, um, you know, how sometimes streamers resent others because they covet over things that they're doing or, um, we feel like we need to be doing something differently and kind of imitate other people. But how we were saying how you really need to lean into what your, I have to refresh you again, but we need to lean into what our actual own gifts are. But then towards the end, we're talking about our own personal struggles and what we struggled with and we're saying that we struggled with impostor syndrome, right? Because we didn't feel like we were all these other things. But the thing is is that like and we but we know but it hasn't become I guess a heart knowledge yet. But we know like the world doesn't need another Basilisk. It doesn't need another AI fam. It doesn't need another like all these are great people but they're already doing their thing. They like they the world needs um flat cap to be doing what he's doing, you know. Well, what's what's interesting on some level is this is a new experience for me to feel like I'm an impostor because most things that I've set out to do, I did some training or I did other things and then I had gifts that I knew I was bringing and I knew I was good at what I was doing. Where did I find training to be a Twitch streamer? There isn't. They're like you don't go to you don't take a course in it. Uh, you you can have people, YouTube, well I say you can have people instructing you on YouTube and you can watch other people do it but there's no here's my certification that says I've made it, uh, here's my proof that I have now. Now I could say oh well I'm a I made an affiliate so that must prove that I am or I have this many followers that proves I am or I have this many that that are my average viewers that proves I am. None of those prove anything. Um, and then it's like, well then, well, if I made partner, it would prove it. Well, that wouldn't prove it either. Uh, like there's there's this like undefined, how do you quantify that you are? That's that's so different from anything else I've done in my life that just is like that's part of why I feel that way is because I don't know what I'm supposed to be measuring that shows that I am a valid person at what I'm doing, uh, as far as streaming. Now to turn it and say, "Do I know I'm having an impact for the kingdom and bringing salt and light?" Oh, I can talk about that all day. That part's easy to talk about as far as the ministry half a thing. But to talk about the side that says, "Are you a worthwhile streamer for people to pay attention to and to follow and to look up to?" I don't know. I hope so. And I'm striving to be that and I'm striving to be better. But I could point you to a hundred other people that I want to have on the podcast that's like they're so cool. I want them on my podcast because they're cool. So, so last year I and it's going to sound sad, but it's not sad. I like came to this conclusion and it was so freeing that I will never be enough and I so I don't have to strive. Yeah. Because God is enough. And yeah. And it was so and it sounds sad if like you're not in that kind of mindset or that relationship with God, but for me it was so freeing like okay, it's not it's not on me, it's on God and um all I have to do is just try like just show up and try and like and if I mess up God's a redeemer. So yeah. Oh yeah. Well and yeah that that that is so true. I I I tend to go with um I think Paul says when I am weak then I am strong. It's it's like so many things that I've done in ministry I had the strength to do. I had the ability to do. I could rely on my own strength and do them and then I can look back and go was I doing those in my own strength or was I doing those in God's strength and maybe I needed to do some things more out of his strength than my own. And as I am in the streaming world and the digital online space, I don't feel like I'm doing stuff in my own strength. I'm doing them out of my personality and who I genuinely am. So, I'm being honest and transparent and in that way, which I don't know how to do it otherwise, but the doing it out of my weakness is what I feel like I'm doing all the time, which I think is where God wants me right now. So, I think I'm in a good spot. Even if it's a I wish I felt confident and I wish I was, but I also for most of my life have struggled with pride and being boastful and that's an easy default. I don't feel that way in digital space. So, I think that's a good thing. Yeah. I think that so the last IRL, uh, once a month I have a young adult in real life like get together. We do um an activity, we do a meal, we do Bible discussion. And the last one we had this past month we did on James 1 and we talked and we talked about um how what does it mean to count all joy? What does it mean to be blessed to be persecuted and why is that a good thing? Because it doesn't feel good, right? So like like let's actually talk about that. Like why can that be good? Cuz it does not feel good. And and talking about the importance of humility and unfortunately we're a people that have to learn through experiences and when so if we are not humble we need to be humbled and it will happen and like so sketch is in the chat right now he he said like yesterday maybe in discord or the day before cuz it's been on my mind of like trying to remember humility and um he said like something about I don't remember it was about it was something that like that and I was like well thank you for the reminder of humility because if I don't remember then um God reminds me so. Well, that's funny, that's funny actually. So that's what we looked up on stream today on my regular stream we looked up humble and and went through the Old Testament and New Testament looking at where that where passages talk about being humble and God uh opposes the proud but gives grace to those who are humble. And he lifts up those who are humble. And and just that whole idea of what pride and selfishness do is they elevate you. And what humility does is it it is it has a proper position for God and a proper understanding of your own position. And it is elevating other people and pointing people to God. And it is so easy to switch between those two of loving God or loving self. Like which one am I? And loving God also includes loving your neighbor. So it's like it's selfish or it's loving God and the loving neighbor. Those are the two poles that we we bounce between. And pride goes to the self and humility goes towards God and others. And it is a it is a blessing to be stripped back sometimes because if you're not, we've been doing a lot of DIYing our our house and my house is from the 1860s and oh, really? Yeah. It's and it and it was all plaster still and plaster and laths and all and plaster. So, and actually my husband and I are not neither of us like he's from England like in in man like around Manchester. So he's like a city guy and we're not construction people. So we literally are just YouTubing how to rebuild our house. But um you think about when you're like working on a home and for years and years. So some floors had like six stacks of linoleum. Oh my. Yes. I know. Some rooms had like five things of wallpaper right one over the other. Oh yes. Yes. And the the thing is is that sure you can keep trying to fix it from the outside, but you have to what we did is we took down the plaster, we we ripped out the linoleum, like we rebuild it from from the bottom. And what happens is when we try to build things on our own, like maybe you start well, you got an okay foundation, that's great, and then you get a little messy along the way. Well, you can't God, you can't just like it's not going to be sturdy if you just start good up here. Like it's got to be taken back down and it might be painful and it might be it it's going to be painful. It's going to be hard and the Bible promises that life's going to be hard. Um but we're promised we won't be alone and and if we allow God to move in it, he he will rebuild us. But there has to be the stripping back. And it doesn't feel like a blessing, but you can look back and and when your h your home when the home of your heart is beautiful and be like, "Oh man, I'm thank you so much for that hard experience that I had to go through whatever it was." And you can reflect back and see how those hardest times in your life are also the times that were the most formative for you if you chose if you choose to let God move in them. Yeah, absolutely. Um, when when you are going through those dark times and Joseph, I think, is one of the the the really easy ones to go look at of going through struggles, life coming against you, it not being of your own u doing and and then it gets worse. Like you're you're you're trying to deal with it and and it ends up worse and then finally eventually you get to a spot but then you can look back from perspective and see what God did in him because I unlike a lot of people I think Joseph is an arrogant young man who is braggadocious and flaunting his dreams in front of his brothers. It's no wonder they despise him and treat him the way they do cuz it's the younger brother. Now, maybe I say that cuz I had a younger brother and and my younger brother always was trying to get me in trouble and those kinds of things. Well, much like my younger sister did as well. So, maybe I just bias towards that. But I I see the change from before when he's with his brothers and when his brothers show up again and and he has that change of heart and a change of perspective to say someone can intentionally mean to harm you and God can take that intentional harm and make it into something beautiful and and and I just think that's that's so amazing. So yeah, it doesn't mean that original intention of harm came from God, but he did choose to redeem it. And that's why I was trying to say they intentionally meant it for harm. So I'm not saying God meant it for harm. I'm not saying and and then people will say, "Well, why doesn't God intervene?" It's a great question. I, you know, I wish he would intervene in in places in different times. And I I'll get to ask him someday, but I don't know without being God I could ever comprehend that. Um, right. So there's there's a level at which that it's yeah I wouldn't wish half of the experiences of pain in my life on anybody but I also there's very few that I would risk undoing because I wouldn't be who I am right now without those painful things that I experienced that now have me in a place where I am I would say much more gracious towards other people much more considerate of other people instead of thinking of myself first, I'm usually thinking of others first. But God had to bring me to that point through lots of life experiences to get there. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. Ah, so uh since it just it just went by and we were having this conversation before we got on just chatting back and forth about Right Now Media. So, anybody that uh saw that in the chat, if you go to the church.digital/rightnowmedia, you can sign up for right now media for free. So, just to give you an idea, it has I did it content for small groups, for kids, for self-study. It's 100% free. Uh you can sign up, you can share it with other people. So, it's like netflix for faith development, uh is is a good way to to describe it. So you were asking me can you share it? Are you free to do studies with it? Yeah, it is it is free. You can access it. You can share it. You can do studies with it. Um I would not stream it though because while the content is available um to use, it's meant for groups to do it. So I wouldn't stream it because you'll probably get into copyright stuff because most of it's copyrighted stuff. So, so I'm going to have um the first one I'm going to do is in November. I'm going to do it in Discord. Um so, anybody can message me if they are interested in going, but it's very timely because it brings up what we were just talking about. The title is called working through. Um the blurb is pain, suffering, and grief is something that everyone will have to walk and navigate through. It's part of life. Nobody gets to leave unscarred. Jesus made it clear throughout scripture that we will have troubles with me and uh with many of those coming in the form of pain, suffering, and grief. And it goes on to explain a little bit what the topic's about. But I had somebody in my Discord say they DM'd me and said, "I'll go to whatever program you lead next." But I what I would really love is to talk about how do you So this is someone who started going to my alpha. Yeah. who was said they were not Christian because they had a lot of I've met with them since with a priest who goes to the programs as well. We met in person and we prayed with them together and we learned that they've had a lot of church hurt. Um and so they still go they've gone to all of my programs since that alpha program and I've done like maybe four or five since online. So, they are obviously interested to pursue this possible um being a Christian, but they have a lot of things they're working through. So, they DM'd and said, "I would love to do a program that gets talks about real stuff like how to trust God when the world's on fire and how to trust people in church when everybody's a hypocrite and they hurt you and how to trust in God when he allows all these bad things to happen." And so I think that's that's the program that God led me to. And so that's what we'll be doing and the conversations will get real and that is fine. Yeah. Absolutely. And I and I think at times and I and I've heard this with several several different people that are more prominent figures that have identified like they grew up in Christian faith and they've they've left their faith. They're they're probably identifying as agnostic more than atheist. just like, hey, I I' like I've left what I grew up with as a Christian faith and I'm trying to figure out what I do and I don't believe and what I'm willing to. But one of the things that a lot of them identify is this absolute rigidness of we know everything is correct in our beliefs over here and everyone who doesn't believe the way we do in the entire world is completely wrong. Even other Christians are wrong if they don't believe the same way we do. And that's so detrimental because as soon as you find something that you question, you have to question everything. Instead of having the position of of saying is this is a hard thing to understand. I don't know if I can fully grasp it or that's a great question. I've struggled with that question and I don't have a satisfactory answer. Uh I yeah I what's funny is on some of those topics I'll I'll say that and then some people will try to convince me. It's like oh I know what you're going to say. I know all the arguments I find none of them satisfactory. I can't compre like it satisfies you, that's great. It doesn't satisfy me because here's my problems with it. Um, but I love to be able to sit in the unknown, in the mystery, which I don't think we do enough of. And I mean, isn't that like isn't that faith? Oh, yeah. Like if we knew it, like if you if if God spoke to you directly every truth of the world, you would require no faith to follow him. What you mean? Hey, Zach Lee, welcome in. Hey. Yeah. And and I agree. And there's certain even topics um that I don't talk about and I never have even in my ministry role within my diocese. And both bishops I've served have agreed with um our my husband and I choosing not to share. I don't even share with my mother. My husband and I there's certain topics only we will discuss with each other. Um because I know that it will hinder my ability to serve others, right? Because if they learn this conviction that I have, then they will assume other things about me. They will assume the way that I will love them. They assume the way that I will minister to them. And it and it's not going to be fruitful. I think, you know, um and I and I think it's hard for some people to understand because the Bible does say that we need to be truthful and and share the truth, but there's also times in the Bible where God had people hold their tongue. And so I don't think it's that odd that he has asked me to hold my tongue about certain things. And I don't know why people are have to Why do people feel passionate about knowing what you think sometimes? Don't aren't you shouldn't be more worried about what God thinks. Why do you care? And for me, I know it's not true for everybody and I respect different people's theology, but a lot of issues that are important. They're so important. There's there's spaces for them to be talked about, but um I don't think they need to happen in my spaces. And um even though they are so important, they're not the most important thing to me. And I think sometimes they overshadow the most important thing to me. And where I differ in theology for some people is that I don't think that they're salvation issues. And so that is why I don't give them as much light as some people would prefer. Oh well, yeah. Everything is not a primary issue. There there are there are primary issues. We p them in our minds. Right. Right. Um, and there there are secondary issues, you know, that that come about later. And then there's a bunch of stuff that's in a gradient between things. The way that my one seminary professor would do is is he would stand at the lectern in the middle of the room and say, "This is Christ and the centrality of Christ, and this is where we all have to agree 100%. There is no place in the room for anything other than this." And then he would start walking and he'd get all the way to the door and he'd say, "Everybody that's over here on how baptism happens on on how many sacraments there are on on on which books are in the Bible and which ones aren't, we're still in the same room. Okay? When you go outside the door and it's Buddhist and Muslim and atheist, we're outside the room. So we're still in the room. So the closer you get to the door, the less grace we give each other and or sorry, the more grace we have to give each other. Um because it's like God will work it out. And this is this is part of my thinking on on a lot of stuff is how many people got it right when Jesus came the first time and understood what he was going to do completely? Well, in hindsight, when he was there. When he was there. Yes. When he was there. Thank you for pointing that part out, too. They they could not get it and fully grasp it even after the resurrection. He's with them for 40 days. And some still doubted when he's they still have doubts when he's with them and he's resurrected Jesus. And they still have doubts. Um, so why shouldn't we give grace to one another to say, you know what, may this is what I say on my stream all the time is I am convinced that 80% of what I believe is 100% correct. I just don't know which is the 80% and which is the 20%. So I am open to conversations for God to speak through you to help me understand things I don't know. And I want to help you find those things that you don't know in another way. And I like, I can't wait to find out if I'm even close to 80% right when we get there. Wouldn't that be cool if I was exactly 80% right? But also beautiful to be like, and it's okay if I'm not. Oh yeah. It's okay if I'm not. Yeah. And I didn't burn any bridges about it. Like, over the issue. Yeah. And yeah, I had recently my, I was at church last week. Um, my priest gave a really a sermon that really spoke to me. And what he did is he articulated something that I've felt a long time and haven't been able to articulate myself. And um, he said that relationships and people that are from my stream have heard this before. They, he said relationships are like a bridge. And I don't know if this is like a popular sermon, but this is what he said. He said relationships are like a bridge, and when a bridge is new, when a bridge is flimsy, you don't put heavy stuff on it. It's not, the heavy important things are going to fall. The bridge is going to be broken. It's got not going to bear any fruit, right? But when you have a solid bridge, when you have a relationship built on a firm foundation, that relationship, that bridge can hold the weight of things. That is when you can share, you know, and we are called to point out to our brothers and sisters when we don't think that they're living the way that they should be living. But you need to have, it's almost like, it's almost like not in a manipulative way, but you want to think of like almost like chess where if I do that, what's going to happen? Oh, right. So like, is there going to, is that going to bear fruit? Is that, is this the best timing? Is this God's timing right now? Um, we don't have, you, we don't typically have many Bible thumpers on the corner of streets anymore. Um, because they don't have to anymore. They can just do it online. They can just jump on X, right, and say whatever. Um, and and I don't know if that's fruitful, but I also have to be mindful that that is their convictions, which I think sometimes we we don't acknowledge is that God calls everybody to live differently. And so while God calls me to hold my tongue about certain things, he has called others to speak up about it. And it doesn't mean that either of us, both of us could be right. He tells us different things. Yes. Yes. So for the people in my life and the things that God is doing around me, he wants me to shut up about it. And I am a yapper. So it is hard. I don't, I don't know anybody that likes to talk. I mean, you know, I just go on a podcast and and talk for two, three hours or more and and we go wherever the wind blows and however long we decide to stay. Recently made me re feel really insecure about that. And then Sketch was also in the chat, was like DM'd me and and I didn't even say that it made me insecure. He just knew it cause he just, he knows me. We're close and he was like, it would be really lame if the streamer didn't talk. Like, it's okay that you're talkative. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like probably God gave you that on purpose and it makes people who aren't very chatty feel better because you can just chat. Oh well, I I think most pastors can can just hold up a conversation for a long time. No, there are some people that I've run into that like personality-wise I can't hold a conversation with them. Like I'll, I'll ask them open-ended questions and they'll just like have the shortest succinct answer with nothing for me to like, like oh man, like I had I had one guy that was on the board with me for three years and if there was not a third person with us after about a year and a half we both acknowledged we couldn't hold a conversation and we weren't going to try it. It's like we both, we both thought each other were great. But the two of us couldn't hold a conversation together, which was like, and I didn't want to just sit there monologuing for, you know, for 20, 30 minutes, boring him to death or anything. So it was, "All right, we'll just sit here, wait for your wife, or we'll wait for someone else in the church, and then we can have a conversation." But the two of us together could not hold a conversation. It was the weirdest thing. That's funny. Yeah. Um, just thinking about, so uh, so you've got some um things that you're planning on doing for for teaching. What about on stream? Do you have anything new that you're planning on trying or doing or what have you got that you're thinking about maybe starting uh coming into the new year? So I plan everything by month and this past month has been, has been absolutely crazy. October I don't think I streamed alone in October. I think I, it was like the biggest collab. I like to play with people all the time, but I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go hard. I'm going to DM everybody and give them that I know streams during me. I'm going to give them all of the dates and see what they want to play and just coordinate them all. It wasn't even just one person collabs. It was like repo with like nine people. I have an Among Us coming up with 25, or not 25, with 15. Um, and they're all reach people. Um, 15 people. So I'm going to continue. I just started them up again. So once a month I'll do my Among Us streams and keep collaborating and yeah, I have um, this month is my streamversary. So I have a special streamversary stream. When is that? So that people can find that. Um, let me look it up my Discord. Um, and also we reached our follower goal uh last month of 2,000 followers. Oh, cool. So we're celebrating that. Um, which is going to be a cosplay stream. Sailor Venus. Um, and that's all this week or next week. Oh, well, while you're still looking that up, should say that there there is at Reach this year the theme of cosplay. Yeah. So are you cosplaying all three days? Um, I'm conflicted. No, I'm not streaming all three days because Thursday um, yeah, I'm not because I'm speaking one day and I don't think I should dress up the day that I speak. I don't know. I'm like, I don't know what to what to wear. Oh, I want people to take me serious, but. Well, I don't know. I'm I'm I'm supposed to speak, too. What are you doing? Are you cosplaying? I am cosplaying. I am cosplaying every day. I. And I'm not like a cosplayer. Are you a cosplayer? Okay. So I I would say I I I'm a theater background. So had cosplaying been a thing back when I was in college, I would have ended up being a cosplayer and probably a larper. Um, but I, because I want to do a reach camp. Yes. But I I didn't, I didn't end up doing that because I had kids and then you know I didn't do any of that stuff. So um, I my wife and I have just decided to start going down the road of cosplay. So we went to Renaissance Fair and did cosplay. So I'll be, I'll be bringing that costume and and then I've got another one that I that I did earlier. I did a cosplay event at the local brewery earlier this like back in March or something like that. So I've got that costume and I have one more that I just got um that uh my wife and I are going to do together for for Halloween. So I've got I've got three outfits. I've just got to decide which day um I'm supposed to be speaking and have the uh the most generic one for that day, I guess. But it it won't matter. You're still cosplay, so it'll be like nobody else is dressed like you and you're up on stage. What's going on. So, yeah, I guess it'll be good for marketing for the next year. There we go. So my my four-year stream anniversary is on October 30th. So is that Halloween or something? No, that's the day before Halloween. The day before. Okay. My 2K follower cosplay party is the day after on Halloween. So we dress up for Halloween. A Sailor Venus. Oh, that's a good plan. You're doing a cosplay regular hours. Yeah, fun. Yeah, it'll be good. Um, at Reach, I'm going to do the Sailor Venus because the reason why I'm doing Sailor Venus is because Corky, who is coordinating like all of the cosplay. If people don't know Corky Bug, they probably do. Um, but she invited me because they're doing like a a sailor group. So there's all the sailors will be there all at the same time. That's on Friday. And then the other one I'm bringing is Toadette. Um, I have like, where is it? Oops. I have like the Toadette hat. Oh. Yeah. So I have like the hat and I have the actual costume, but I ended up buying things instead because I didn't want to be like costumey costumey. You know what I mean? So I don't know. We'll see. But yeah, I'm really excited. I think cosplay will add like a lot of fun to it. So and I'm not a theater background, but I am a clown background by accident. So yeah. A clown background. Yes, by accident. That that feels like another podcast to to go down that road. Yeah. Yeah. I got tricked into taking clowning, but it didn't stop my fear in in college. Yeah, because I was lingu, I was English language arts, so. Cool. Improv, too. That was fun. That was. Oh my goodness. Improv is so. It's. Scaring children. For people that the people that don't know, all you need to do to learn improv is to say yes and that's all you need to do. So no matter what the other person says, you say yes to it and you add to it and it's like you just get the most obnoxious, ridiculous stuff that you can. It's just you always accept what the other person brings and says and then you run with it and you add to it. Uh, that's that's just the key is just like you have to have the mindset. Yes. And uh, so that's that's my little clue there on doing improv, which is super fun. Yeah, that's good. I yeah, I liked it. It was hard. It was hard being a Christian in improv, but that's probably a different podcast, too. But. Yeah, that's a different podcast. In college, you're in college and you have to do improv with people who are not Christian. Yeah, me too. Okay. Valdez says they're afraid of clowns ever since they watched it when they were a kid and that that is it. I was so afraid of it and yeah, they made me do it for a PE course. It was not. I don't think I've ever seen. Real children there. I always say there's nothing worse than your own trauma than creating the trauma you had in somebody else. Oh, that that lives with you. Oh, that's well and I think that you know like talking about that too, you know, if you're going to talk about your trauma is informing people that you're going to talk about some heavy things or or some trauma uh and letting them know. Um, the same way that if you're going to talk about something that might trigger other people like I'm going to talk about church hurt. I I want you to know we're going to address some things. So be prepared. Now, what's hard if you're doing that on a stream is you you can't stop every time a new person joins and you don't know when a new person joins to be able to give those warnings, but you do what you can. So. Yeah. Uh, yeah, Jim M saying, "Do you want to see it?" Uh, probably not. But uh, I also did go to um, Jason Takes Manhattan, uh, back when I was either in high school or college with a friend of mine. And we sat in the back row laughing hysterically. Uh, because some of it was so ridiculous. I'm sorry, Jason has a hockey mask on. You're you're a boxer, so you're going to punch him in the hockey mask? Like, are you an idiot? Have you never boxed before? Punch him in the belly. Punch him in the body. Like, why are you punching him in the mask? Like, it was so like funny.

laughter: Like, we're sitting there laughing and other people are scared and screaming and we probably ruined it for him, but um

laughter: you know, yeah, but

laughter: you know, I, so I never got into horror movies or whatever. Um, I also really don't like if you get into some stuff that has a spiritual, supernatural edge to it that's in the creepy realm. Um, I tend to stay away from it, but I'm not saying everything, you know? Yeah. There's there's just sometimes it's like, oh, no, this is too real and it feels like it's actually connected to the spiritual realm, not just Hollywood producing something that's fake. No, I agree. I think it makes you vulnerable to things. Um, I do. Yeah, I agree. I so I used to be very interested in um like ghost stuff. It's also my my deepest real life fear. Um, and had experiences in my home or whatever. And um but also was very fascinated. So I was like watching ghost shows like the ghost hunter things. I think the worst one that I watched was um this, what the mediums. Oh. Who I think there might be it. I think there might be some reality to what is going on too with some of those people. I absolutely think they are connected to this and I'm watching it and I'm so scared that I'm like actually crying. Like I'm actually crying. And then I did, I had weird dreams and experiences and I feel, I don't play scary games usually. I played um, I didn't share this, I guess trigger warning, um, I didn't share this on stream or anything, but I played Phasmophobia. Um, and my, and this might be just like a weird thing I guess. Um, my, I woke up and I had a scratch. I don't know if anybody saw it. I don't know if you can still see it there. I had a scratch across my nose, maybe in a vague. You can see it recently. Um, and I don't know what happened. I was like, maybe my ring got me cuz I sleep with my ring on or my my nail, whatever. And I just went about my life. And the next morning, my husband woke up with like ten scratches by his ankle. Oh. Like scratch marks. And he doesn't, he woke up. He's like, "What's this about?" And he didn't know about my nose. And I don't know. I just got a weird feeling of like I should stay away from spooky stuff. Yeah.

laughter: Well, like I say, I I played uh a lot of D and D back in in high school and and into college and I didn't have any issues with feeling like it was supernatural and it's a game and it's all of that. And I know that other people might not feel that same way, but we we we were always trying new games. We we did Cthulhu and for those that don't know that is really trying to call on spirits and do some stuff with there and Cthulhu is like the big one. I've never heard of that. Uh, it's called the Call of Cthulhu and we played it like twice and I was like, I was like, I felt the spirits were in the room and other stuff was happening and I'm like, I'm out of here. I am not playing the game. You guys are welcome to play it. Video game or what is it? No, no, no. Like like tabletop RPG. Oh. Oh, okay. So, um, so you're creating characters that are traveling through and all of this stuff. And it was just like, no, this is this is in some way probably connected with some real life connection to the spiritual world. And, you know, like you go through the Old Testament and and Jesus and and God is saying, "Don't go to mediums. Don't go to these other things." He doesn't say don't go to them because they don't work and they don't exist. He's telling you don't go to them because they do exist and they're not the real God. They they do have some power or they do have some stuff and they're going to mess with you and or deceive you and so so stay away from them not because they're phony. Why would God need to stay away from something that's phony? Like I don't need to tell um my my kid to watch out for the stuffed animal because it could attack you. I tell my kid to watch out for the rabid dog because the rabid dog could actually hurt my kid, you know. So I don't have to warn my kid against a stuffed animal that's not a real animal. Uh, so why would God warn us against something that's not real? It is real. That's why he warns us against it. I think when you give it attention, it's like almost like an invite of, hey, I'm I'm open to this right now, you know, even if you don't think that you're doing that, I think it's in some way can do that for sure. And and we are told like to fix our mind on heavenly things. So yeah. Yeah, that's a that's a much better thing. Think of those things that are pure and holy. And I can't remember the whole passage there. That's um focusing on things. Look it up, guys. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody you can Google it, keyword it.

laughter: I I usually have one or two people in the chat that are like, "Boom, boom, boom, boom." And uh you know, I like I'll paraphrase something. They're like, "Boom, here it is." There it is. I I struggle anymore to actually do a good job of quoting scripture because I memorized it as a kid in in one version. I I read it in seminary in a different version. I preach it in another version. I do Bible study online in a different version. And I also know Greek and Hebrew. So like I don't know what version I'm quoting. Wow. You know Greek and Hebrew.

laughter: Yeah. So it's like I got part of it right. I know what it's, I know what it's implying and uh which, I know the intent. I think, Yeah. Yeah. I like to think I know the intent. Yeah. I think that's true for me, too. And I not because I'm as knowledgeable as you, but because um when I'm when so the I don't really teach in the club in the pony club. We just we discuss. I let the scripture talk and we all just kind of share. But when I I do teach for um for youth and when I do, I'm trying to put things in their language. So I'm like I read the verse once and then I'm like, "Yeah, like this blah blah blah blah. Yeah. And well, that's Well, I'm I'm convinced that the best way that we do the Bible is in community, not alone. Yeah. That that's how we're supposed to do it is in community. It's also meant to be read out loud. Yes. Have you heard of um Lectio Divina? Oh, yes. Yeah. So, that is like a huge thing at my center right now. We have this huge initiative. We actually got a a million dollar grant to do programming that Yeah. for but it's very specific on how we can use it. Um, it's a three-year plan and it's supposed to serve our parishes and so we do in-house programs but we do programs at the churches too. But yeah, it's all about for people who don't know what Lectio Divina is, it's like a it's um a it's it's a it's a old practice of how to read by St. Benedict. And when you learn how to do it, you learn that people are still teaching that's how you should process reading anyways. Um and what you do is you typically read it out loud and we often practice it in groups. You read it scripture out loud. Um and you think about what this, what is sticking out to you right then and then you share that out loud with others and then you hear the scripture again and see if something new and then you um read it again and you see like practically like why do you think God is bringing you that line right now like what, why do you think that matters to you right now? Yeah. Um, yeah. So, like if you if you read through and a sermon on the mount would be really long to to read, but if you if you read through a a whole chapter and then you would ask everyone what word or phrases stood out to you, have several people say and no explanation to begin with. That's that's a really important thing. It says like let you let everyone hear what everyone else was hearing and and see what else that you weren't hearing and then hear it again and maybe some things get added and move to it. So, it's really trying to rely on the spirit to speak through the whole of everyone that's present into that space and time, which is super fun, I think. Yeah, it's a lot about living in community. So, it's really cute when we do retreats. They're typically small and they're like in our library building where they can eat simple meals, they prepare together and um live together. It's it's nice. It's a a lot of monasteries have done the practice. Yeah. And and like I said, one of the things I I really really think is because the Bible was written to be read out loud to the people and Yeah. So, the Bible is meant to be read out loud. Even if you're alone, read it out loud to yourself. Don't just read it internally because your mind will hear things that your brain will not perceive just by reading it silently. Um because especially the things that are meant to be repetition of words being repeated, words being repeated, you you just don't pick those up. Like you just heard me say it twice in a row and you went, "Wait, you just said that twice." Yes. But if you read it twice in a row, you might have just skipped over it. But if I say words are repeated, words are repeated, words are repeated, you go, "Wait a minute." Now, it takes holy, holy, holy three times in a row, then we notice it. But if it's uh, you know, I say it in one verse, five verses later, I say it slightly different, but I use one key phrase. Ten verses later, I do it again. Your ears hear

snorts: that and your brain pays attention. And so, that's one of the best things I think about doing that. So, yeah. Yeah, sorry to go on that side thing. I just made me I just wanted to. You know what I I. I am all down with going on like like you're like I needed more information on what this was going to be. No, this is it. This is what I do. Here's the things I'm going to ask and then whatever else we get stuck on for conversation is what we're supposed to talk about. Um and it's nice because so I so I love all people. I respect all different faith backgrounds, but I am I'm a cradle Episcopalian. So, I am a churchy Christian. I just am. And that's I don't see a lot of churchy Christians online. So, I get excited when like people know like I don't like I don't know if a lot of other Christian content creators would know like what Lectio Divina is. You know what I mean? Oh, well. So,

laughter: like so it's like it's nice. Well, I would say likely pastors might know what it is even if they've not practiced it. Um, but uh yeah, I. Right. I've. Well, I'm not a pastor. I'm just. Right. I'm saying I'm saying if if if your church hasn't done it, you wouldn't know of it necessarily. But that's what I'm saying. Even a pastor might know who hasn't done it themselves because it probably would have come up in seminary at some point. Um I I happen to think it's a wonderful practice. It also I think too often we don't involve people in the word often enough. Like it's uh you sit there, I tell you what the Bible means cuz I'm the one with the education. And I don't think the spirit is limited to me. I think there's plenty of knowledge sitting in the pews that that has like they've heard hundreds if not thousands of sermons. So, why wouldn't God be speaking to them? They spend hundreds of hours reading the Bible. Why wouldn't God speak to them? It doesn't need to just be the pastor up front or the priest or whoever is upfront doing it. Well, and I think there's a difference between knowledge and wisdom. True. Um and and I think wisdom is more spirit driven and the spirit can move through anybody. Um, I've had a lot of like campers, like young kids say things that are just like, "Wow." Like, you don't even know what you just said, but like that's what I needed to hear. Yeah.

laughter: Yeah, that's very true.

gasps: Um, why don't we just um unless you have some other stuff, but I was going to say, were there other things that we haven't talked about that you would like to share with people? Um, I'm looking at some like notes I wrote down just in case that I actually didn't have to use, but I think like we've already touched it a little bit, but I just want to encourage people that if you have a platform or if you want to start streaming or whatever you feel called to go do, we've already said a lot like it's on God and it's and it's his and it's not yours and but just really internalizing that, you know, however, don't get caught up on on numbers or like things that the world would find value in. That's not where we can that's not where we should um define what is success um cuz that's not what God defines as success. And just you know like if your view count goes down or your average viewership or your subscriptions or like whatever whatever it is that you're worried about um just realizing that's not a reflection of you and it's not even necessarily a reflection of like the quality of your content. It's just a reflection of who needed to be there right then. It was, you know, it was it's different. And you just pray that God brings the people that needed to see whatever you're doing. Um, and and just try to pick goals that are more controllable of you. You can't control like I know I have like a follower goal, whatever, but that's what my heart is set on. Um, you can't control that, but you goal of like you can also view that as a community goal. That is a goal for the community. That is a goal for the community. Word for the community. Yes. It is like if if we make this that'll be cool and I'll do this for you guys. But you know that's not set goals and you don't have to share them even with other people. You can set goals just personally that you you can actually achieve like I want to get more confident about sharing my faith so I'm going to share one scripture verse a week or whatever. Um just pick things like that that you can actually control your growth in and not um you know what what other what the world would identify as successful and and and deem that you're only successful if you reach those goals. Yeah. I I like to think of it in terms of your inputs. Measure your inputs because you have control over your inputs. Don't measure your outcomes. You don't have control over your outcomes. So it it you know this is weird. I keep going back to basketball. I don't know why today I'm going to basketball. I never use basketball as an example. Someone in the chat or in the Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. This is for you. But if but but somebody needs to hear this. Um but if but if I want to get good at three-point shots, I need to spend enough time practicing three-point shots. And when I get good from one location, moving to another location. I need to practice that again and again and again. If I practice for 10 minutes a a week, I'm never going to get good at it. So, I can't control when I will get good. I can only control that I'm going to put the effort in to become good at it. So, I'm going to put as much time as I can. So, I'm going to say I'm going to do an hour a day. That's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to do that week in and week out until I get good at it. And so I'm going to be able to put the inputs in so that the outcome I want is going to be able to to come about. So that's one of the things I think about is so is is all right. So in order to be good at streaming, I need to spend this much time doing these things. What are the other things I can control doing outside of streaming of well yeah I'm going to make these things. I'm going to add this thing. I like that constant improvement, constant adding, constant getting good, but still the week in and week out things are the things I think are most viable for you is is all right, I need to stream this many days. Uh, I need to do this while I'm be prepared for stream. I need to do this after stream. You know, those kinds of measurable things so that you're always trying to get better at what you're doing. Yeah. Ikeman here. I only came for the basketball.

laughter: Yeah. And you can start with anything like you don't have to wait until you have everything in line when I so the the period of time where I did the most growth that se that late September to January when I was streaming every day whatever I was streaming on a like 2014 Mac with just an Elgato capture card playing Fortnite through my Switch and I used this the same headset that's like deteriorated. This is the headset I used and this was actually my mic. It was my mic as well and it was sounded so bad. But that is the time where I did the most growth. I was just me. I was just and I was in my bedroom just like I had to set up my stream. I set it up on this flimsy stand every time and I had to break it down after every stream. I didn't have like a neon light or anything. Um it was just my like my actual bedroom. I had no lighting. I had no ring light. Um, and I just it just showed up and I didn't worry about that stuff. And um, and you don't always see the growth, I guess, like that I was blessed to have, but that doesn't mean that um, you're not doing something that you're supposed to be doing. Um, you know, it the fruit might be different and you might never actually get to see that fruit. Um, and so just be encouraged that if God has called you to it, then it's something that you should do. Don't keep dipping your toe in. It's not going to work until you dive in.

laughter: Well, you whatever level you're at needs needs to be a consistent level. Yeah. Yeah. I say I started one one day a week, which okay, if I can maintain one day a week, then that's where I can start. But if you can do more, you know, two days back to back is a good place to be if you're able to work that out. Uh you were saying you did one hour a day. So it's it's like one hour. Um there there are ways to grow it based on going and exploring who you're trying to reach. There's also just you won't get good at what you're doing until you spend time doing it. So yeah. Yeah. And I had people kind of I knew that resented me for I knew there were people that were further along than me in a worldly sense of like numbers. And I know that there was a period that I surpassed some friends and I know that there was some hurt from from that. And I've heard them talk about that in other places and I and I still love them, but I know that they shared it and there was hurt. But um I forgot what I was even saying. So late.

gasps: Um Oh, but also the people forget that I was a YouTuber when I was 18. So I was creating content for six years like every day vlogging. So like So yeah. And I and I don't have all the tech stuff, but I'm a conversationalist. And so all of us have different things. So I was already working on that before. So it's it does, you know, it's more than just me being a girl. I've I've put in time. I put in time.

laughter: H Yeah. Ikeman here. David didn't just show up out of nowhere and defeat Goliath. He spent time tending sheep, warding off wild animals, and then he was ready when God wanted him to use him to defeat an enemy. That's so good. Yeah. been here. See, beautiful. If if if Yeah, Ike been here been here the whole time, we'd have had every Bible quote we needed cuz he's so good at that.

laughter: Um yeah, just just thinking about about those things is yeah, you don't know somebody's background to know what they're bringing. You also don't know why people resonate with a given person. And uh you know we talk about at times of what what would you rather have as far as church planting world is would you rather have 10 churches of a thousand people or a thousand churches of 10 people? Which do you think is going to make a bigger impact in their community? Well, a thousand churches of 10 people have a better chance of reaching 20,000 people than 10 churches of a thousand do of reaching 20,000 people. U they're just going to have a greater impact because they're going to be able to hold each other accountable. They're going to be able to be connected with each other. They're going to be able to see growth in each other. They're going to grow in depth a whole lot more and on a different level. Um, so to to watch somebody else have numbers doesn't really tell you anything. Yeah. On like on I know people don't like tend to believe people when they say this, but I want to be a small streamer and and it's true. And even in my real life ministry, we so when I when I first started as a director, we've lived through seasons where it was like, "Oh my goodness, there's not enough kids signed up for this program. Can we even afford to run it? Okay. So, I've lived through that. That is scary thinking about and and it's okay for ministries to end. There's always a season where a ministry a ministry serves for a season. All the churches that Paul planted are all gone. There's no church. And when it ends, y something else will is able to come from those resources, which is good. It's a good thing, but it's always a sad thing. And I didn't want that to happen cuz I love my camp. Um, so but now we're in a season where we're turning people away and it's really sad and we cap our um like our retreats at 40 kids and we have other cabins that we don't bother spiffing up and and we have enough volunteers where we could we could do that and we could invest the money into those buildings and we could bring more kids. But our mission, my same mission as on stream is to build community in Christ. And we we feel like through experience that min that community is best built when it is small. When we interview staff, we tell them that we are a small camp. We want to be a small stamp camp. We have 100 kids on site a day, but that is 60 kids at our day camp program, 40 kids at our overnight program. We want every staff member to know every person's name. I want that in my stream, too. I want every chatter. I mean, there will be new people that come in and that's great, but I want the people who come in to feel known and not just known by their handle, but like to know like Sketch drives his family everywhere. Everywhere. We know that, right? AJ Valdez, he's making all the stuff for Reach and we love him for that. Like to genuinely know Niro, he's like he's so funny, quirky, says he always makes us laugh. like just to deeply know everybody in the chat. Yes. And to be known by them and to feel like you can build one of those bridges with the firm foundation so that when you're going through a hard time, you feel like you have somebody that you can direct message and they know the you in the context of your life. They know your heart. They know your intent. They know your struggles. They know what you've been through. So when they speak to you and even if it's going to be some heavy stuff, it's going to be heavy stuff said in love and you can't get that in a big stream. And if it and if it happens like if God makes that happen, I'll do it and I'll handle it. But I love having a small community. And if I think if people could experience growth in areas um and then and then realize what there would be to lose if you went beyond where you are, maybe they would see it differently. Yeah. Oh, that's so good. Um one of the things like that that the the way that we would we would talk about the church digital is connection leads to community. Well, how do you lead the community? By knowing people. That's how you have community. By knowing people and being known by one another. So, not only you as the streamer, but the people in your community know each other, knows what's going on, shares what's going on with each other. So, that connection that they have leads to community, and you have that in your stream. And you're right, there's a level at which that becomes really really difficult to maintain when you get past a certain level. Um, you know, for for most physical churches, that's around the 250 mark that >> yeah, >> it is really hard to get above that level and maintain the ability to know everybody in the church and to have a relationship. Now, you're still going to have people you don't know entirely in there, but as a church, everybody is going to have a status of feeling known or being known up to that ceiling. Depending on community, it might be lower, but or or the skill level of the pastor. It might be lower, but 250 is a is a cap that it's like a ceiling that is hard to go past because once you go past it, there's people that will suddenly feel like they're no longer known and no longer seen. So, they'll leave and go elsewhere. Um until you develop something that's larger that has a different method for what it's doing for people, >> right? Like what's the first thing that big in person churches do? They make small groups. They plug you into a community that you can talk to that are common to you. With my alpha, the reason why it worked and people kept coming is they had their small group of people like them that they could build relationship with. And it's like um Church Digital, like it's this big group, but all these different streamers like yourself that are part of it, you are the small groups and and >> we're we're creating what we call outpost. So different different people with different interests are going to resonate around the thing that they're doing in ministry. So I'm doing the gaming outpost for the people doing gaming. Uh Simon is in Europe, so he's doing our European outpost. Uh Ite is in Africa. He's doing our African outpost. Uh Tariq is in the Middle East doing our Middle East outpost. We we've got multiple people and we keep saying, "Do we have enough people connected to a a new area?" We actually had a conversation with someone new talking about, "I'd like to have an accountability group for being a YouTube streamer." Great. Do we have enough YouTubers in the house? We're going to start a YouTube

laughter: connection. I would love that. Let's help you get that and and and create your niche around what your ministry area is to to help one another. So, it's it's >> and the same thing with like you look at reach like it's important that we all get together because then you sit in that room because sometimes you feel alone. >> Yeah. And it's it's not always like as a chatter, but sometimes as a streamer, you kind of I don't know, it's this weird feeling because you don't see anybody else's face like

laughter: and it's like what you were saying, it's important to get with other people that are doing what you are doing cuz they understand you in a way that no one around you in your real life will understand you. >> Um so when you sit and reach, it's good to to be like, "Wow, I'm not the only one." You know what I mean? But it's good to have our smaller communities that we are with throughout the year that we get to have like those really meaningful um relationships with and accountability with and um prayer with and just all those things like to shoulder life together. And you can't shoulder life with people who don't know you or know what you're going through. >> Yeah, this h some good stuff here. Uh, that's for sure. Um, this is why this is why I love doing the podcast. This is so much fun. Like, you know, it's

snorts and laughter: you also, like you're saying, it's also other streamers that know how to talk and hold a conversation and we're just chatting together

laughter: and uh, who who knows? Who knows? Now, you're you're not the longest podcast, but you're you're certainly

laughter: you're certainly going to be be up. >> You're going to have to cut me off. I'll just keep thinking of topics. >> Ah.

laughter: Well, I I will say I I think that um Assassinator Steph and GFunk are going to hold that record for for a while because we we did five hours. >> Well, there was two of them. >> There were two of them. So, >> and let me tell you, so I love Steph, okay? And we met I I always just had that feeling about her. Even though she wasn't a cam streamer and I couldn't see her, I just felt I know a lot of people feel connected to her, but I just felt so connected to her and we met in when we met at Reach and then after we came back from Reach, she like has gushed over me as much as I've gushed over her and I'm so happy. And that is something that Reach gave me is like that's why it's so important to stay true to who you are even if you feel like um >> even if you feel like you're alone in that because you actually are like we're all unique and that's that's great. Um but there are people that are similar to you and you will never find them if you change and and don't be like yourself, right? So Steph is somebody who's um uniquely her and I'm somebody who's uniquely me and we went about our lives feeling very lonely. We both lived in rural areas. Um feeling ostracized. Um not everyone around us have been Christian, but we have had these convictions in the gift of faith. We're both probably anagrams, too. She's going to take the test because I think we're the same. Um,

gasps: and um, we're both lovers and people also have both not believed us in our intent of loving others because they don't understand it. Um, but we never would have found each other if we decided to conform to be like other people. We never would have se felt seen by just knowing each other. Um, anyways, that's my conversation about stuff.

laughter: Well, um, and we talked about this on on the podcast. Um, so I I knew and had watched Steph for a while before uh Reach and I also knew Gunk Railroad and I we were in the snack room and Gunk is in there and we were nerding out over some real deep theological conversation and Steph came in and she was really excited about that joining in but at times we were talking at such a high level about stuff and getting really excited and stuff just kept kind of coming like okay wait is that what is that like so we had to stop at times to to help other people in the room cuz like okay we're two of us and there might have been a third person I don't remember who was also joining in and we're just like super nerdy Greek and Hebrew and and all of that >> e just followed >> hey wait a minute these two are making a connection here you know like something's going on here and and and I I think I said it to somebody later on and then by the end of Reach I noticed they're spending a little time together here. And then when Steph had all the stuff happen with her and and uh and and needed us to step in and help with her getting back up the stream, it was like, "Oh yeah, I was right." Like as soon as you know Gunk's like, "Oh, well, I'll step in and here's the stuff for Steph and here's what she needs and all this." I'm like going, >> "Oh yeah, I was definitely right." there was. So they they even shared on stream that like, "Do you remember when that happened?" I go, "Yeah, I saw it. I saw that connection happen.

laughter: I was right there and I was reading it and I didn't want to, you know, say anything, but I was like, >> oh yeah, I saw that happen."

laughter: >> Yeah. So I didn't see it at reach, but I definitely when everything went down and we were supporting her, I definitely felt that way. And she's like, "How did you know?" And I was like, "Uh, well, I actually didn't know that it was mutual." I was like, but I definitely knew that he had feels for you. >> Yeah.

laughter: Yeah. >> Cuz he was like in every like in my Discord, which is totally fine because we have a promo and I'm and you're allowed to self-promote even in my chat. I don't care. Um but it it was just like everywhere where you could self-promo. It was him like being like, "Steph is going live." And and

laughter: I was like, "He's got it bad." >> Yeah. Yeah. There's >> But I guess he's got it good. >> Well, yes. Yes. They they

laughter: both mutually were smitten over each other, which >> Yeah. >> Which is super cool. >> Yeah. It's really cool. >> So, now we have to figure out who's going to be the romance this this year at Reach. I mean, h

laughter: >> I think a lot of people are afraid that people are thinking that. A lot of people are nervous to

laughter: go because they're like, "Everyone wants to set me up with somebody." >> No, it's got to happen natural. No, no setups. >> Maybe some VTubers this year. We'll see. YouTubers will get married. >> All right. Um,

snorts: this has been great. Um, thank you so much for being on here. Uh, I'm now even more excited to be at REACH and, uh, to see you again. It's going to be super cool. Um, I will be excited to hear about how your Bible studies go, um, in your community. That's great. I'm glad I can help you out with that >> um, and be able to do that. That's that's going to be super cool. That is such a blessing. Yeah, it's so amazing because I want to do online studies with my youth, too. So, it just works out perfect. >> Um I usually unless you're going to stay live. Are you staying on? >> No, I'm ready to go. >> Okay.

laughter: I I usually let whoever uh um is on the podcast pick the person that we're going to raid out to. >> So, >> Okay. >> And then we both raid out and uh get them a double raid. That's fun. >> Yeah. How often do you get a double raid? So, it's fun that way. >> Double raids. Oh, okay. I think we should do So, let I'm staying with this person at Reach. >> Okay. >> Um I think we should do Banana is a Hannah. Oh, >> she's playing because I love her for sure. >> She's gonna be on the podcast on Halloween. Oh, spooky. But spooky. Um, so I'm staying with her at Reach. She came to my um online programs and I was going to say another reason, but I don't I don't remember. But she's really cool. So, we should go there. >> Yeah. Awesome. We'll go over there. Yeah. um just just because she is going to be on and and she did have um you know blowing up going viral and that kind of a thing and we were just we were we were having the conversation earlier about >> our stream size >> and oh thank you for the follow and being able to stay in a community size that we want to manage relationship. I was having several conversations with people like going, "Would you want to go viral? Are you prepared if that happened?" And as interesting conversation, it was like, "No, I don't think I am in a spot where I'm prepared to do that because there's a level at which it would disrupt where my life is right now." And >> honestly, like even tonight was hard with being like, "Hey J, I'm not going to talk to you that much." Cuz I just like not and I know you're the same. like nonstop just talk to chat. Even if someone's talking to me and we're playing a game, like >> I'm going to >> I'm just going to go like

laughter and gasps: mute in the Discord and talk to you guys for a second. Um I feel like you'd miss your friends. >> You wouldn't you'd lose their messages. >> Yeah. Well, I also well have always had this like I want to go be this. Well, why do I really want to go be that, you know? Like I thought, hey, if I'm going to be a a pastor, I want to be a pastor on TV. You know, I want people to know me. Oh, wait a minute. Do I want people to know me or do I want people to know Christ? So there's still that thing in the back of my head that if I blew up, would it cause me to get a big head about myself and be prideful and lose the mission that God's called me to? That's my fear is this is going to start a whole other topic because that is like something I've worked on and I'm working on and I fear and it was a big thing for me in the new year. My like, you know, everyone does a New Year's resolution. My New Year's resolution was to not work on me, like to just be less of me. Um, and that is honestly, that is partly why sometimes I've been dabbling in like being a VTuber. Sometimes there's a redemption where I can be a VTuber. That's why I constantly change my game. That's why every month I change my wig. That's why I change my clothes because, and I wear a lot of blush. I don't look like I look in real life because I don't want it to be about Kate. And if I change all these other things all the time, then it remains to be about the one thing that is always the same: sharing the good news, prayer, talk, being a Christian stream. And so like, it's something that I'm hyper aware of and super sensitive about. Um, I had a friend once write me a letter when they went to college. I was like 19 and it still haunts me. She wrote me a letter. She was very upset with me and she said that I think I'm the best thing since sliced bread. And I don't feel like that was my heart, but maybe it was. Um, I grew up very insecure because it's the people pleaser in me and God did a lot of work on me with my people pleasing. It's sometimes good because I love people, but sometimes my people pleasing is because I want to be loved. Yeah. And I care what people think about me. Yeah. Well, and I think people pleasers can be misunderstood in lots of different ways of why are you doing this and what are you trying to do and it gets misread. Where myself, on the other hand, um, I did think I was better than most people. So I'll just own that. Like a letter, I'll just own that, you know? Like, I didn't like when I got to middle school and everyone's trying to be like everyone else. I went, I'm here, be like me. Like, why don't you want to be like me? Like, hello. Like, there's nobody better than me. Why? Yeah, it's awful. I know. Um, but awful. Well, it is awful to think everybody wants. It's awful to not like yourself, to love ourselves. That part, that part is good. I was maybe in the middle. I was turned up to 11 on that, you know. So yeah, it was. Yeah, like. No, I like everybody wants. Thanks for saying that, pastor. So you're not alone. Yeah. Everybody wants to be like everyone else, and I want to be like nobody else, you know? It's like I'm going to be exactly who I am. Which at times I realize how grating I can be on people with that. I realize how I sometimes isolate myself by the fact that I am so different from everybody else because like, you can only take so much of sometimes what I am. But I'm not alone. I have a wife. I have family. I have friends. But at times it's like, yeah, I don't have. And part of it too, like I've moved so many times and lived so many places and started over so many times. I don't have lifelong friends that live down the street that I've always gone on vacation with or always hung out or any of those kinds of things. No, I relate with that even though from mine is for different reasons. Mine's just from just feeling isolated as a Christian and not finding people that I share values with. And that is something like, that is why it meant so much to go to Reach and meet Steph. Like, my I love my husband. My husband is enough and I have great friends. I do have great friends. Um, I have good Christian friends that I met through the camp, but I just felt like she was so similar to me and I don't know because of this whole experience, I just felt like just there's there's a kindred spirit there. Yeah. Yeah. Like I love Steph for who she is and I see a lot of me in Steph and in it, it allowed me to love myself a little more. Yeah. Well, I just had that. I just went to Hope Con and I saw a lot of who I was 30 years ago in somebody else and it was like, "Oh, man. This is fun. This is fun to see that." So, um, all right, we ready to? Oh, before we raid out. Um, oh, I just hit a follower goal. Like, they just the natural ones that it says. So just hit 430 followers on the Church Digital podcast or the Church Digital channel. So thank you. Thank you everybody that follows. Everybody go follow if you haven't. They're, um, he's going to be interviewing Banana and I love Banana. So make sure you follow and then get a notification. Next Friday, Halloween at noon Eastern time. Uh, Banana is a Hannah. Is going to be on the podcast. That's a reschedule. She was supposed to be on earlier a couple of weeks ago. I ended up doing uh a graveside for my best friend's grandmother and so we rescheduled and I'm super excited about that. I don't have any scheduled for November yet, so I got to work on that. Uh, yes, we're going to go raid. Uh, Banana is a Hannah. So I do have a prayer request. We can end the. Oh, I was going to ask if you'd like or um. Oh, no. I was just going to ask if you had a prayer request. Do you have one in your chat too? I have one in my chat. Yeah. Do you have one as well? No, I was going to ask if you had anything we could pray for you about. Oh, for me personally? Oh, I would love um just discernment for um yeah, just discernment um mostly around streaming and just if there's any next thing that I should be like doing, something that I should change or just whatever, just discernment. Okay. Okay. Um, I'll pray for that if you want to pray for whatever you had in your stream and then and then we'll raid out. Is that good? Okay. All right. Yep. God, I just thank you for this conversation that we've been able to have here and just the connections in the community in Twitch of striving to be salt and light in this place. God, I just thank you for that. I thank you for Prepony and for her heart for you, her love that she has, the way that she brings that into this space. I just thank you for her. I just pray for discernment for her in the streaming space. What is she supposed to be doing? What's next for her? Is it continuing what she has already been doing? Is it more collabs? Is it something new? Is it thinking differently? Uh, just pray for guidance, for direction, for clarity. Give her peace of mind when that is figured out and uh may you just continue to bless her to be used by you to bless other people. Just pray this and thank you for it in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Thank you so much. That's so I don't get prayed for a lot. I like pray a lot because I lead groups and stuff like in real life and that was that was nice. Thank you. Absolutely. Uh, is there anything that we can pray for for you? And then I also have um if anybody else wants to redeem prayer in the chat, I have a lot of travel coming up. So I will be at Exponential West Conference uh next week, which uh is out in San Francisco, and then I'll be back. And then I'll be at Reach Conference, and then I'll be back. And then I'll be on vacation. Uh, and I don't know what else I've got going on off the top of that, but there's like I'm going to have a lot of. You're just a nomad your whole life. Travel, travel, travel. Like, that is that is not untrue. Um, but uh there's there's a toll that travel takes. Um, and so part of it is like we're coming into the season of sickness and I'm going to be on airplanes and and I really want to stay healthy and. Yeah, cuz vacation's at the end. Yeah. So I really want to stay healthy. Well, I don't want to, I don't want to be a spreader of whatever, you know? So I don't want to go and get sick and then bring it to other places where I'm expected to be and do that. So uh, and then also that much travel is disruptive to life and streaming and all of that. So just trying to, yeah, to do to stream when I'm supposed to in the midst of all of that, which I have no idea. Like, I'm going to bring my laptop and plan to stream, but then. Yeah. And your wife's not a streamer. No, my wife's not a streamer. No, I won't stream when we're on vacation. That's a no-go. Absolutely. On vacation. But yeah, but at the conferences I'll bring it along and have good intentions to stream, but I don't know whether I will or not. Depends on roommates and all that stuff. But yeah, I understand. Yeah, I would love to pray for that. And then in the meantime, King, if I don't know if you feel like you can share uh is it like this person's openly talking about these issues? Is there something more specific? If not, I can pray vaguely because God knows. It's not. Yeah. My prayer isn't magic. It's God. So um okay. So God, we just thank you for this opportunity to come together, these two communities, um that are actually just one community in your name. Lord, we just thank you so much for the gift it is to know every single person here and for trusting us to be a part of their lives and we thank you for the blessing that they are also to our lives. Um, we pray for Flat Cap and all of his upcoming travels um to San Francisco and Reach and his vacation. And we just pray for immunity that you would help him, you know, not catch any sickness, but also that you would keep any sickness far from him and that he would not be a carrier or spreader of this. Um we pray for um rest that if he gets four hours that you would just make it somehow feel like 10 that you would just supply everything that he needs. Um that you would give him his daily bread, whatever it is that he needs to not only um do what he needs to do in the day, but do what you have called him to do and live it out the way you have called him to do. Um right down to his attitude. Lord, we just pray that you move through him in all ways so that when people are experiencing uh a relationship with him, that they are actually experiencing a relationship with you, Lord. Um in all of these spaces, even on vacation, um we just pray for opportunities to um for him to show who you are to others, Lord, even if it's not sharing that it is from you, that they would just somehow know that um this man is different and that he'd be encouraged that it's okay to be different and that it's okay to know that he is different and special and unique and it's great to be him. Um we also pray for uh balance Lord that you would just give him discernment of when to stream, when not to stream, when to you know do whatever all the things that he needs to do that you would just guide him and lead him and let all of the unimportant things just fall away from the day, Lord. And we just pray for um balance even outside of all these travels, Lord, of of streaming and being a pastor and being a husband and and being all the things that um you have made him to be, Lord, that you would just guide him in all of these aspects. We ask for these things in the name of Jesus. Amen. I just want to check chat real quick before we continue because if anybody have added any information. Oh, it's my raider. Hi. And also, welcome still to the pony club. You're now a little pony. Um, welcome in. So, King has a prayer request for a really good friend of ours who is having a hard day, which is actually really magical because they're they're talking about who we're going to raid. Which is Banana. So, I think it's a good thing that we chose Banana and then somebody randomly didn't know King didn't know that we selected Hannah to raid. Um, and it looks like she needed it. So thank you God. You're already leading us in the discernment that Flath asked for. Yes. Thank you. Um so yes, so God, we just thank you so much for our friend King and and how great he is for the community and how caring and loving and how I see so much. I know I experienced so much of you through King, Lord. And um we just thank you for um your discernment and your wisdom from um from both King to to uh bring this prayer request forward, but also for discerning on who to bring this raid to, Lord. And although a raid seems like a weird thing to pray for, we know that you use all things for the good of your people, Lord. And so we just thank you for even this small thing that they could make um Hannah happy. And we just pray for her whatever she has going on um physical, mental, spiritual, whatever it is, all that it is that you would just move in all of it. That you would heal it. That you would allow us to be your hands and feet and your mouth for anything that we can do to make um to help to help her, Lord. And we thank you for the light that Hannah is. Um and that you would encourage her to keep being that light for whoever she comes in contact with. And that you would remind her that she is enough. Um not because of anything that she has done or can do but because what you have done um Lord and we just thank you so much in the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. Amen. And we have one we have one more. So Dino Dino, sorry. Prayer sometimes takes a while. Um cuz I'm a yapper even prayer. So Dino says that I fully get over this sickness. So yes, Lord, we lift up our hugging friend Dino who we are blessed to know and hopefully we'll see at Reach. Um, we just thank you so much for the for Dino and the gift that they are, the community, the warm heart that they have and the way they long to love and be loved. And we just pray for healing, Lord, whatever whatever sickness is going on that you would heal them. Um, so that they need to do whatever they need to do. Um, whatever you've called them to do and that they can do it with a thankful, grateful, and joyful heart in Jesus' name. Oh, I also want to add that we lift up anything that somebody might be holding in the quiet of their heart, Lord. Whether they believe in you or not, we know that you see them and that you hear them and that you know them. And we just pray that you move in whatever situation it is um for the good of your people and to glorify you, Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Awesome. Okay. Sorry. No, no apologies. We need to pray. We need to pray. I mean, that's that's what we're going to do. Great. All right. So, let's uh start the raid. You ready? Yeah, I'm ready. All right, I'm starting. Boom. Yay. All right, guys. So, let's go be a positive space for Hannah cuz she's feeling kind of blue. And that's okay. We all do. Yep, we all do. I was feeling pretty blue yesterday. Oh. It one of those things where well like my wife has been traveling I've been traveling it started you know like the beginning of the month it will be going all the way through November so she's been gone she's gone again I was just at my mom's I get back I see her for one night then she's gone and I was just like I just was feeling like I'm I'm home I'm home alone so Yeah I'm home but it doesn't feel like home. It's exactly it. It didn't feel like home. Like here I am and So but It is it is so great though that even in that I know I have friends online that I can go and hang out with And not be alone. So we're going to go we're going to do that. Yeah, we're going to do that, too. So good night Cardinal. Bye Nero. Bye Dino. Thank you for the hug. Thank you. Thank you everybody for all the follows. Appreciate you all. Thank you for spending time with me pre-pony. Appreciate it. Thanks for having me. Okay guys, I like you and I love you, but Jesus loves you more. Bye. Bye.